Finding Freedom in the Unexpected: Marriage as a Team

We catch up with our friends Emma and Justin through peaks and pits, then dig into what actually changes during the first two years of marriage. We talk communication, shifting roles, faith-driven habits, and what it looks like to stay calm and connected through layoffs, school, and budget resets. 
• meeting our guests and the friendships behind the mic 
• peaks and pits from travel, surfing, traffic, patience, and parenting chaos 
• learning what to communicate once you live together 
• handling expectations, timing, and everyday decision-making as a team 
• redefining household roles as work schedules change 
• faith as a framework for grace, forgiveness, and acts of service 
• navigating unemployment, job searching, and going back to school 
• budgeting on one income and finding freedom in constraints 
• roots and fruits through small daily rituals that build joy 
Let’s keep growing together. 

An exclusive from Dery Media Podcasts. Explore diverse perspectives and enrich your knowledge at derymedia.com. Telling stories that matter, sparking meaningful discussions.

Transcript

Warm Welcome And Mic Banter

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Hello.

SPEAKER_05 0:01

Hello, friends.

SPEAKER_03 0:03

Hello. Hey.

SPEAKER_06 0:04

Oh my goodness. Justin was like, what do I say? Look at naturals. No, they crushed it. Hello. I mean, that was the good line.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

That was made for the microphone. It was made for me.

SPEAKER_06 0:24

They really were. Um, I'm Joe.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

I'm Katie. And this is we have guests. I know, but you don't.

SPEAKER_06 0:34

We have to introduce the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 0:38

We'd love to. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

They have to introduce them and then we say it together, like a really big happy family.

SPEAKER_06 0:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

Like we all say it together?

SPEAKER_06 0:45

Yeah. Like countdown, like at a like a middle school cheer squad. So, alright, so I'm Joe.

SPEAKER_05 0:51

I'm Katie.

SPEAKER_06 0:52

This is well, do should they introduce themselves? Okay, go ahead. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 0:56

This is Justin.

SPEAKER_06 0:57

I'm Emma. And this is the vine.

SPEAKER_05 1:01

Oh, you didn't count us down.

SPEAKER_06 1:02

Okay, alright. We want to try again?

SPEAKER_05 1:04

Welcome to the vine.

SPEAKER_06 1:05

Okay. That's what we say. I think we say this is the vine. Yeah, we have been doing this for two. Oh, let's climb the vine.

unknown 1:14

Welcome to the vine.

SPEAKER_05 1:15

That's how we say. All right.

SPEAKER_06 1:17

Three, two, one. Welcome to the vine.

Meeting Emma And Justin

SPEAKER_06 1:20

Oh, see, that was really good. That was really good. I feel like this happens every time.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

This happens every time.

SPEAKER_06 1:25

Like I do.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

That's why we don't get it.

SPEAKER_06 1:28

No, we don't. Um, why don't you intro well you should introduce our guests. I feel like I normally introduce our guests. You should, because this is They are my guests.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

They are your guys.

SPEAKER_05 1:37

Do you not think we're also your friends?

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Only by the way. They were my friends first. Well, that's fair. Emma was my friend first. Joe's guest. Justin is Joe's guest.

SPEAKER_08 1:46

You introduce Emma and Joe will introduce me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

I like that. We could do that. Okay, Emma. Emma is a good friend of mine from college. She was my roommate when I was a junior. Senior year. Right. But we were friends since freshman year. Because you were across you were in the same dorm. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 2:06

Friends since freshman year, and then we lived together senior year and year half senior year.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Yes. And then the same room.

SPEAKER_05 2:14

We lived in the same room.

SPEAKER_06 2:16

I thought about that for the first time the other day.

SPEAKER_08 2:18

Are you guys the same age? Crazy. We are. Well, what do you mean half senior year?

unknown 2:23

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

Katie graduated early because she's a genius. I only had half a semester. No, half a year. So only a semester.

SPEAKER_05 2:31

A whole quarter.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

But um, but yeah, and and then a bonus roommate after college, right before you guys got married, Emma lived with us.

SPEAKER_05 2:41

That's right. Back when the podcast was first taking shape.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

She truly was there from the beginning.

SPEAKER_05 2:46

Yeah, because I remember I'd come home from work because I worked night shift and I'd go to sleep, and Katie'd be like, sorry if you hear us recording today. Like, it's fine.

SPEAKER_06 2:54

As if we're like screaming in the room.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

But yeah, that is our history. We went to Anderson University, um, and I feel like our friend group really formed from like kind of like our dorm room, and it just kind of flourished from there. Yeah. And now we're still friends because you live in Greenville. I still live in Greenville, obviously, and we're still connected.

SPEAKER_06 3:17

Well, I feel like that's like a very like common college thing. Like my college friend group is also just like the two rooms next to us and one across the way. Right? That's because you guys basically were the same thing.

SPEAKER_05 3:30

I had to go up two floors. So no, I was on the first floor. My roommate at the time uh went a little crazy and left me and moved in next door to me, and we just lived on like the fored dorm section of the hall. And so I had no friends on my side, so I had to go up to the third floor, and uh, I was friends with Amelia first. Yeah. And then I met you guys during the hurricane freshman year.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

Right, because we had a lot of time to kill and hang out in each other's rooms. Yeah, but you had like your own room, and that was pretty fun. That was pretty great. Yeah. Second half of the year. Well, that's Emma. That's me. She's my friend. We're still friends. Hi. We like being friends. Your turn.

SPEAKER_06 4:15

Um, over there is Justin, and he's also my friend, and we talk about books together. That is true.

SPEAKER_08 4:21

I'm I'm stuck on uh Rhythm of War. It's a long book. It's I'm 400 pages in in like two and a half months. And you've got probably, what is it, 400 pages more to go? I've got like 900 pages more to go.

SPEAKER_06 4:37

Yeah, it's it's a really long book.

SPEAKER_08 4:38

It's boring.

SPEAKER_06 4:39

It is it is pretty boring.

SPEAKER_08 4:40

Nothing happens.

SPEAKER_06 4:41

That's why it's good in the car.

SPEAKER_08 4:43

In the whole series.

SPEAKER_06 4:43

Yeah. That's why you gotta read it in the car. Everybody should read Sanderson. That's how they're friends.

SPEAKER_05 4:47

I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 4:48

And that's how we're friends.

SPEAKER_06 4:49

That is that is how we're friends.

SPEAKER_05 4:51

I tried reading Brandon Sanderson's books.

SPEAKER_06 4:53

If you remember, you gave me a button liked Missborn. Now we're we'll we'll go see the movie on Premiere Night. You know? I'd watch it. Well, you can't because you didn't like the book. Is Missborn the a movie or the series? He's making Apple TV is making three movies for the three the first three Missborn books. The final the I thought they were gonna be series. No, Cosmere is a the is a series. The um uh Stormlight is gonna be a series.

unknown 5:28

It's a fantasy podcast.

SPEAKER_06 5:29

I know. Welcome to the podcast. So now we're talking about fantasy news. Yeah, fantasy news, welcome to that. Like the Bible. Perfect segue. You're welcome. Again, Justin, a natural. Well, I mean, you somebody, I mean, there was a big flood. Uh I think the King James Version mentions um dinosaurs and unicorns, I believe. I could be wrong on that. I have no idea. You guys are Protestant, one of the Protestant translators. You might be wrong.

SPEAKER_05 5:56

Yeah. I think it's just the Catholic Bible.

SPEAKER_06 5:59

Oh, it's a little fantasy fantasy. Fantas uh fantastical.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

Fantastical. There we go. Fantastical four.

SPEAKER_06 6:08

Um no, but I I mean I do remember because of course I was friends, or I mean we were dating when you uh met Emma. So like I have known Emma also for a long time, and I remember when you guys started dating, and Katie and I were like, from pretty early on, we're like, yeah, this is we're good. We like Justin. Go ahead. Two big thumbs up, let's go ahead and get that done. We always had a fun time.

SPEAKER_04 6:28

We got it done.

SPEAKER_06 6:29

And Justin always gets uh every now and then I'll make small jokes, and Justin always I feel like appreciates, and then vice versa, Justin will also make small jokes, and it's just it's nice, it was nice to have somebody else in the crowd, because for a lot of times I was the solo boyfriend with the group of women. Uh so it was just nice to have somebody else there. It really was.

SPEAKER_08 6:48

Yeah, the first time we met, we had a game night and Katie made fun of me. So that's why I like Joe better.

SPEAKER_06 6:54

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_08 6:55

I didn't remember that until she said it right before we recorded.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Now you're holding a grudge. You're like, wow, you know what? I didn't have a chance.

SPEAKER_08 7:00

A grudge I didn't know I had.

SPEAKER_06 7:02

Yeah, you're like, oh, okay, well, here we are.

Peaks And Pits From Florida

SPEAKER_06 7:05

Um, let's get started with our our first question that we ask all of our guests. Oh, sorry.

unknown 7:11

I'm trying to look at it.

SPEAKER_06 7:12

Yeah, Katie's Katie's Katie's backseat driving.

SPEAKER_05 7:14

We cannot ask the first question. No.

SPEAKER_06 7:18

Your peaks in pit for you guys. That's just what was the of your last like couple weeks, what was the best part? What was the worst part? It's that easy.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

Would you like us to go first?

SPEAKER_06 7:27

We can go first if that makes if you want to think about it. I can go first. Go first. Justin's ready.

SPEAKER_05 7:31

I love the boldness. You can't take mine. I can't take it.

SPEAKER_08 7:36

That's why I went first. That way I wasn't the one who had to say uh same as her. We went down to Florida last weekend. And Emma's brother and his wife had a little baby, so we gotta meet our new niece for the first time.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

I didn't know that. That's so funny. What's her name?

SPEAKER_08 7:54

Oh yeah, put on the spot, and her name's Marley. I legit forgot. Just wasn't ready to be interviewed. Should have been. This is an interview. So that was fun. We were down in Florida. I surfed for the first time. Whoa. Now I'm now I'm hooked.

SPEAKER_06 8:13

Did you were you did you get up?

SPEAKER_08 8:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

I have a video. You look like a natural surfer. Like I could totally see it.

SPEAKER_08 8:21

It's the long flowing, the long flowing hair that surfer bros have.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

I think the baldness, like, really I'm going home.

SPEAKER_05 8:31

It's mostly just a good thing that it wasn't sunny that day, because your face and head would have been roasted, toasted.

SPEAKER_06 8:38

So he doesn't deserve this. My man does not deserve this. Wait, so hang on, was it fun?

SPEAKER_08 8:43

Yeah, it was a great time. And the waves were not big. Yeah. And Emma showed me the video after, and I could have sworn I was going faster. Like I know, I know they were small waves, and I wasn't like ripping. Yeah. But the video came out and I'm like, I'm almost standing still.

SPEAKER_05 9:02

Well, you were standing still.

SPEAKER_08 9:03

The board is almost not moving. And then I'm on the sand after like 10 minutes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 9:10

You're not hitting the limp and getting pitted. Uh uh. Okay. No. So that was fun.

SPEAKER_08 9:17

That was fun.

SPEAKER_06 9:18

What about your pit? Driving to and from Florida. Honestly, I wonder if you're not going to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_08 9:23

Drive wasn't that bad. Sammy in the car, he sleeps the whole time. There's not a better dog for car rides than Ardo. Sleeps the whole time. Uh my pit.

SPEAKER_06 9:37

You don't have to have one.

SPEAKER_08 9:39

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 9:40

Don't be vulnerable, Justin.

SPEAKER_08 9:41

I've got a I've got a small one that came up today. Is I I'm on my last class of school and turned in the assignment earlier this week. Assumed it was gonna get kicked back for revisions. I wasn't confident in my work. And then but the second time I turned it in, yesterday, day before yesterday, uh I felt good about it. And it came back with like the same stuff wrong. And it was literally right before we cooked dinner, it came back, and I'm like, these are perfect solutions to their problems. They're just not the solutions they want. I know I'm frustrated about that. But it's a minor little thing, we'll fix it on Monday, it'll be fine.

SPEAKER_06 10:25

It's a pothole, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:27

The frustration is that uh Justin is such a smart person that has real world experience. And you know, school tries to keep your brain in a box. They're like, this is what we what we give you. You can really work with what we give you. So Justin's like, I'm gonna solve this problem in a real world way, and I'm gonna make all the pieces fit and like decrease their spending by whatever, whatever. And he was just being too smart. Yeah. So it's like a it's a it's a pit peak. There's a peak in the pit, honey.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

There is a peak. There's a peak

Road Rage And Plane Nurse Stories

SPEAKER_01 11:00

in the pit. There's a peak in the pit, honey.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

You've got a nice supportive wife here. Look at her always building you up.

SPEAKER_06 11:09

So what about you, Emma?

SPEAKER_05 11:11

Unfortunately, Justin took my peak. Um, but you know what? My peak, Justin looked hot on that surfboard. Yeah. I got a picture of him, a new contact picture of him holding the surfboard, running out into the ocean. Yeah. He looked back for a second.

SPEAKER_06 11:27

It was like Baywatch. Yeah, it was.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:30

Man, so that's my peak. It's like peak on peak. That's amazing. Forevering it's been blazoned in. Um, Pitt. Man. Just road rage, man. The trophic.

SPEAKER_06 11:47

That I mean would have been low on my list. I'm sure. So okay.

SPEAKER_05 11:50

Oh my gosh. I was driving, just an example. Every day I get road rage. You know, I have to drive on 85.

SPEAKER_06 11:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:57

Two ways.

SPEAKER_06 11:59

There and back.

SPEAKER_05 12:00

There and back. And um my route home, there was an old Sonic that got shut down because nobody goes to Sonic anymore. That's true. And they put in a Swig's drink thing. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but they like make soda stuff.

SPEAKER_06 12:15

Yeah. You clearly have not seen the secret lives of Mormon Wives.

SPEAKER_05 12:18

Correct.

SPEAKER_06 12:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 12:19

I'm not a real uh reality TV show girl.

SPEAKER_06 12:22

Here on Wood Road.

SPEAKER_05 12:23

Here on Wood Road.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

I did hear about that. Is it crazy?

SPEAKER_05 12:26

Where people It's literally like people are blocking traffic both ways to turn into this place. And I'm like, it is 4 50 and I just want to get home. And I'm getting so pissed off. It really, it really gets me. Just soda with heavy cream in it. Yeah, which sounds awesome, but like, you know what? Don't go at 5 p.m. Or maybe go on a run first and go at 7 when nobody else is driving home.

SPEAKER_06 12:52

They have to be ready to go to sleep afterwards. You know, they're gonna be getting a 42-ounce Coke Zero with heavy cream. I that would I don't think I'd go into a coma.

SPEAKER_05 13:03

I don't think those kind of people have strict bedtimes.

SPEAKER_06 13:06

Okay. So fair point. Fair point.

SPEAKER_05 13:08

Um anyway, but yeah, the road rage is just um really driving me up a wall. Yeah. And sometimes I see people in accidents and I feel like I should stop and I don't, and it makes me feel bad about myself.

SPEAKER_06 13:21

Why, just because you're a nurse? Sometimes. Well, listen, I mean, we know plenty of nurses or like uh people in our lives who are like CPR certified, and they will oftentimes be like, Man, I just hope nothing ever happens because I don't know if I'll be the one who'll be brain. Like, I don't know if I'll be the one that'll show up.

SPEAKER_05 13:39

I got called out on a plane once. It was terrible. Wait, really? Yes. Would you and they even told me they were gonna like give me a voucher for a free flight, and they never did. That was fake United Airlines.

SPEAKER_06 13:52

Get him, get him. Wait, so did you like save his life, save this person's life?

SPEAKER_05 13:57

Um I mean, I didn't have to do CPR. I did go assess him, made sure he has oxygen because they have oxygen on the planes, and gave him some orange juice.

SPEAKER_06 14:07

You like checked his pulse and were like, you were just an extra flight attendant for 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_05 14:12

They did ask me if I thought we needed time to divert and land early. So I had I was like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_06 14:18

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_05 14:19

But thankfully, the person sitting behind this guy in the aisle uh was like an army medic, and I was like, you've got it covered, bro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 14:27

So yeah, no, you're fine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

Justin, what were you there for this? Oh man, I was there.

SPEAKER_05 14:32

I was not.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

I was like, I was gonna say, what did you like? Were you like, man, look at my woman in action?

SPEAKER_05 14:37

You know what? That reason I stopped wearing my Anderson University School of Nursing sweatshirt on the plane.

unknown 14:43

Oh, were you?

SPEAKER_06 14:44

Was that they called you out because of you?

SPEAKER_05 14:46

I literally I was sleeping as I do on planes. And like they I woke up as they made the announcement, and the flight attendant was standing right there staring at me.

SPEAKER_06 14:55

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 14:58

I had it on uh he was like, Are you a nurse? And I was like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:03

Like, I borrowed this sweatshirt. Oh that was me of this is like related but not related, but Jay Co came. It's not related at all. Just the reaction you had. Jayco came. Jayco, for those of you who don't know, is like the Joint Commission. Joint commission that comes and basically just criticizes everything like hospitals do to make sure they're up to standards.

SPEAKER_05 15:25

Put your cup away.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Yes. And a friend of mine at our office that I work at has like her own little office, and she definitely was not up to standards, like, had her drinks out, breaking all the rules, and Jaco came and was like um assessing it while she wasn't in there, and she comes and she sees them, and then they're like, Oh, is this your office? And my friend was like, Oh, no. And they're like, Do you know who? Um, she's not here right now. I'm filling in for her, but I'm not normally here.

SPEAKER_03 15:56

She just lied to the straight level.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

I was like, uh, yeah. I mean, I don't know if I would have done anything differently. I probably would have been a panic, but like, nope, not me. Can we have like a cup of water out? You can't have drinks out, you have to have certain like she had like a heater on the desk, like all these things you shouldn't. But, anyways, that just reminded me of that because I don't like in a panic. I think I'd been like, nope, this is my sister's butcher

Patience Runs Thin In Real Life

SPEAKER_02 16:20

too.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

I can't make big decisions right now.

SPEAKER_06 16:23

All right, Katie. What's your peak in Pit?

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Okay. My peak, let me start with my pit. Um I didn't go with this anyone. No, it's not. I bet you we don't. Um, so I I have learned that my window of tolerance, that is therapy speak right there. My window of tolerance is very slim these days. How do you feel about that? Um, like I'm losing my patience really easily. And I told her husband. I told you most people. And I told my therapist, I was like, man, I just I feel like I'm like, I don't say bad words. Like I really don't say bad words because I'm embarrassed. I don't feel like it comes out naturally. Like I if you were to see me.

SPEAKER_08 17:09

You're not good at cussing.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

I'm not good at it. It's just not natural. Like it doesn't come off. Oh, sugar pop.

SPEAKER_06 17:15

It's like, it's like imagine watching like a four-year-old raven rant. Like, that's what it sounds like.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

So, anyways, I was telling her, I was like, I just don't really say bad words, and I'm finding that in little little like minor inconveniences, like I spill a drink or I stub my toe, I'm just dropping these really aggressive words at the moment. Like what cannot be spoken into the mic. She'd have to put the explicit. But and I'm like telling her this, and I'm like, and it's making me really angry. And I'm saying this jokingly, but it really does make me angry. Like afterwards, I'm like, why can't I handle the minor inconveniences? And I just feel like it's been happening a lot. And that's just been a pit for me. And it's silly, but it's also like, wait, I don't really like this about myself at the moment. No, that's fair. That's a good pit. But on the bright side, not really, not really on the bright side, but this was funny. The other day I was like in the parking spot and there was a like I don't know, a pretty garden in front of me. Like, clearly couldn't go forward. I went forward. Drove through the garden.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Cause I drove up into the garden. And I was like, oh no.

unknown 18:30

What am I doing?

SPEAKER_06 18:31

I didn't know this.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Wait, what camera is this on?

SPEAKER_05 18:34

My phone. You don't have your phone video.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

Oh, was it when you were doing your it was after the library? I like recorded this video after I took MJ to the library, and I was like too excited to start yapping to my phone. And literally, in in the video, it's like boonk, and I just say a bad word, and then I like look at the camera and I'm like, oh. Anyways, that was too long of a pit. Um, and then my peak, I feel like work has just been really good. Like it's been a really good reset for me the past like two weeks. I like go and I just like feel good at what I'm doing, which like you know, most days I don't feel good at what I'm doing. But it's just been nice in my position now. I have to like float to other places. So actually, last time I floated somewhere outside of my office, I was at the hospital, and Emma also works at the hospital. Um, and as she does, she's like, Oh, why are you at the hospital? Because Emma frequently looks at my location. Um, and that was a really good day. I was so nervous for that day because I was like, I don't normally work with these people, I don't know where things are, and I don't like to be out of place, and like they were so nice, and I felt like way more competent than I like gave myself credit for. And so it's just a good feeling. Anyways, you are competent.

unknown 19:46

Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 19:47

You are uh a great woman. Hear you roar. Um uh okay, my peak in Pit, I'll be fast. Uh Pit, uh MJ had diarrhea for like three days straight. I know, I that's what I thought yours was gonna be. And she literally, like, I mean, was waking up every two hours and having painful diarrhea and wouldn't sleep, which meant we couldn't sleep. Um, and that was terrible for like three days in a row. So that was uh kind of stunk in multiple ways. Yeah.

unknown 20:20

I had to throw away all my breast milk.

SPEAKER_06 20:22

We did have to throw away a lot of the breast milk because when we got home from the beach, which will be my pit or my peak, because I don't think we've also recorded since we've been back from the beach, um, but I'll say that in a second. But I left the freezer open at night, like it just ever so slightly, and the breast milk is on the top of the freezer, and so all them babies thawed. So and then you had to get rid of it. I know we like thought like, oh, it's probably like not that big of a deal. And ask MJ's tummy. It is a big deal. I buy booby milk. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:53

You left this freezer open, the other one downstairs.

SPEAKER_06 20:56

It was only open like a crack. A crack, but it was enough. It was enough.

SPEAKER_05 21:00

So your your your refridge alarm was just going off all week.

SPEAKER_06 21:03

Yep. All night. No, no, no. It was just it was just it was right when we got home. Oh, oh, oh. Um, but my peak would be we went to the beach with my family in Florida and we were all together, which was amazing. So there were how many people are we when we were all together? I think it's twenty. Yeah, there were thirteen children. So ages twelve to MJ is ten months. And then then there's a bunch of adults there too. But it's just like, you know, it it really does feel like when you watch like cheaper by the dozen, like that is literally what is going on, and like, you know, uh my dad's joke all the time he says is you like he'll hear somebody crying, and then you know, one of the adults will go, Oh, I think someone's crying, and my dad will go, What? Someone's crying? No way. One of the eight billion children here is getting into a fight. And um, but like my actual peak of that trip was watching. All of my nieces and nephews, like, just adore MJ. I mean, they were literally all playing with her. They were holding her, walking around with her. They made her a friendship bracelet. Uh, like they were literally obsessed with her. And they were like, they would then get in fights. I mean, she's basically just like a toy to them, but they were I want to hold her. Literally, they were getting in fights. Like, they were all watching this movie, and I knew like the last night we were packing, and I was trying to like gather a bunch of our stuff because Katie wasn't feeling too good. And so we were like gathering stuff, and uh, but I was holding MJ and I was like, Alright, guys, there's 14 children right here. Like, somebody just you guys all collectively, I can trust you for like three minutes to just not let her break her skull open. And the minute I was like, can somebody hold and then like like piranhas, they just came and were like, I want to hold her, I want to hold her.

SPEAKER_05 22:50

Um her initiation into the family.

SPEAKER_06 22:55

Yeah. Oh, and they made her um basket and they all signed it with their names on it.

SPEAKER_05 23:01

Do you think Nora will do that when we have a kid? No.

SPEAKER_06 23:06

Hey, maybe one day.

SPEAKER_03 23:08

The fearless leader of

Marriage Communication Gets Real

SPEAKER_03 23:10

the cousins.

SPEAKER_06 23:11

Um okay, so we're 23 minutes in. We're just having so much fun. Yeah, we are. Listen, this is great.

SPEAKER_05 23:17

This is ask us the hard questions.

SPEAKER_06 23:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:19

We'll be quick about it.

SPEAKER_06 23:21

So we'll okay, so you guys are clearly married. Um, you have been married for how long at this point? Almost two years. Bingo. Um, and I can't believe it's only been like it hasn't been two years.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

Like, I feel like it's been longer than two years. That's my point. We've been married. Yeah. Yeah, it just feels so natural.

SPEAKER_08 23:39

I feel like I've known her my whole life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Correct.

SPEAKER_06 23:43

Um, but one of the things that I think is really interesting, like, I know for Katie and I, those first two years, like the dynamic of our marriage shifted quite a bit. And not not even necessarily like the like the surroundings or the circumstances, but just how we communicated, like we thought we kind of had that on lock, but when you're actually day-to-day living with somebody, it was very different. And I was just curious if you guys noticed, was there a dynamic shift? But you guys also got married clear, you know, older than we were when we got married, so like were you guys more established in that end? Like, do you feel like there was a dynamic shift in your marriage from the start to now, or do you feel like it was more gradual, or or what has that change kind of been like for you guys? I know it's a a a big question.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Do you have an answer?

SPEAKER_06 24:29

Yes, he does. He's ready, he's podcast ready.

SPEAKER_08 24:31

Yeah, I studied before he came. Um, I don't feel like it was a huge dynamic shift. I think there were definitely things that we had to learn, like how we communicated and what to communicate, and I feel like a lot of it was on my end of like you guys dated for 14 years or something before you got married. We uh didn't even date for a year before we got engaged. So you you guys had a long time to feel like you had it figured out, and we had a short time. But some of the things were like just small things, like every most Thursday nights I go over to my pastor's house and we'd sit by a fire and or sit on his back porch and there's a big group of guys. And so when we were dating, I would do that, and she would just go to bed w at her bedtime, and I'd stay out there till whenever. Yeah. And so when we first got married and were living together, she could still just go to bed, and I kinda assumed that she would. And and then I'd get back like close to midnight, and she's like kind of mad because she's like, I wanted to go to bed, but you weren't here, and I kind of tried to go to bed, but I needed to go to bed, but you weren't here. I didn't know when you were gonna be home. So, like the little things of communicating, like hey, do you want me to be home at a certain time, or I'll be home at this time and then try to be home at this time. There were a couple times I didn't early on, but little things like that where like communicating with her dating and living in separate places, I didn't have to tell her what time I'd I'm planning on being home, but yeah, is she expecting me home now?

SPEAKER_06 26:25

Yeah. Well, and uh, I think that's a very interesting thing that you said at the start of that was you didn't have to figure out how to communicate, you needed to figure out more so what to communicate, and I think that's interesting because I d I've never thought of it of that way, but I think that goes for even outside of like marriages, but just like relationships in general, like it's easy to think that you are communicating effectively with someone who you have like a good relationship with, but you haven't actually like I mean, I know I do it to you all the time, I haven't actually communicated to Katie what I am thinking about in my head, and so I'm just like I think I'm communicating with you because I'll be like, oh Katie, uh, you know, I have been thinking about this thing for you know, I've been thinking about our budget for three weeks.

SPEAKER_02 27:09

So when I, you know this is what the budget is, but then I'm like, wait, when did we wait, can we like backtrack?

SPEAKER_05 27:15

Like I feel like Joe and I are the girls because I just like expect Justin to know exactly what I'm thinking, and why haven't you thought exactly what I thought about like the budget or what we need from the grocery store or blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, whatever. Fill in the blank. I'm just like, how do you not know already? Yes.

SPEAKER_06 27:35

So yeah, I feel that to the so Justin, be a better communicator.

SPEAKER_05 27:41

That was what the point was that I also have had to learn how to communicate speaking with gods.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

But to the point that sometimes Joe will be like, So what did he like out of nowhere, what did he say about something something? And I'm like, who's he? And what conversation are we referring to? And be like, oh, sorry, I was thinking about so-and-so, this conversation that we had like three days ago, and how that conversation went, and how this reminded me of that. So I wanted to ask you, and I'm like, and yeah, I was like supposed to know that you were just like thinking about that.

SPEAKER_06 28:15

How did that how did that show also not remind you of that conversation that we just had?

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Yes, like that's what'll happen. Something reminds him, and I'm like, wait, what? Like, what are we it's just us in the room, like who are we talking about? Bring it on back. Yeah, but okay, so communication, I feel like is a big thing, but something else I feel like that shifts with marriage is like your roles. Like, what is your role? Like you're you've gone from like individuals to only worrying about yourself as you were kind of touching on to now like being a team and like being one in flesh, right? Because that's what marriage is, but also you're still your own like person.

Roles At Home Without A Script

SPEAKER_02 28:50

How have you like navigated that change? And has it been hard? Has it been what you expected? Um that's a tough one.

SPEAKER_06 28:59

That wasn't in the homework.

SPEAKER_02 29:00

Yeah, it was a little it was. I feel like it was kind of in there.

SPEAKER_05 29:03

It was more like roles, like how do you deal with roles?

SPEAKER_02 29:06

I just kind of added some fluff there.

SPEAKER_05 29:08

But yeah, I feel like both of us are well. I feel like we have to go back. Our marriage, we've since we've been married, we've both had like three different jobs, and I've gone from like night shift to day shift. Yeah, that's great. And like gone from working three days a week to like working five days a week. Yeah, like a lot has changed. And so, like in like the marriage with traditional like roles, like oh, the man's gonna mow the lawn and whatever, and the woman's gonna cook and whatever. Like when we first got married, uh Justin is a grill boss. Grill off, I don't know. Um, when we first got married, I feel like I was only working three days a week. So on my days off, cleaning, cooking, yeah, going to the grocery store. Awesome.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:57

Now that I'm working every day of the week and Justin's at home, like he's really just like batting down the hatch. Like he's got the groceries, he cooks dinner, he is like cleaning the house, he mows the lawn. I'm like, I have it easy. I'm going to work and just like seeing people, and then I come home and work out and have dinner made for me. Amazing. Um But I think we also um like we hand off those responsibilities easily. Yeah. Like in my head, yes, I'm like, oh, Justin should be mowing the lawn and I'm doing the cleaning because that's how my parents did it. But I feel like we don't have super strict, like, you have to do this and I have to do this. Like, I'll mow the lawn. Yeah. Mow the lawn sometimes and you clean. Yeah. You made me you made me mow the lawn a couple of times.

SPEAKER_06 30:51

Katie would do it every now and then.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

I don't know if I would do it now.

SPEAKER_06 30:55

Yeah, I I I would never do it now. But no, but I mean I think that's uh to you know, to your earlier point about the communication, like that's where your communication in your marriage evolves, where you realize like, oh, it like really doesn't matter who mows the lawn. Like that there's there's not anything inherently masculine or feminine about cleaning or mowing the lawn.

SPEAKER_04 31:16

Like that's just argument is a woman's mowing lawn.

SPEAKER_06 31:20

That is it's it's exactly the same.

SPEAKER_04 31:22

Get the lines, yeah. Get the stripes going.

SPEAKER_06 31:25

Yeah. I mean, every time I come home and there's not beautiful striped lines in our house, I just look at Katie and I'm like, come on, what are you doing? What are you doing? Well, there's this guy that like pops up on my YouTube shorts sometimes and he always talks about like to your point, like he he's a um he transitioned from being like a working, uh, I guess maybe even was the breadwinner to being stay-at-home. And his whole thing was always like, being a stay-at-home parent is a job. It doesn't mean that like because just because you work doesn't mean that you should deserve to come home to a f a fully cleaned house. Like if you had a stay-at-home parent who was watching two kids, be thankful the house is not on fire by the time they get home, you know. And vice versa. Now that he's at home, he's also like, I don't, you know, I'm not trying to put pressure on myself to make sure that all that's done, but I also see the point too where like you're fulfilling the roles of like what's what what does the family need at this specific time? And you can only do that when you communicate effectively with each other.

SPEAKER_05 32:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 32:20

Right? Would you agree with that?

unknown 32:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:22

I do think in terms of communication, because I mean, hearing about the conversations you guys have, but also knowing you guys, you're like, let's sit down and talk about this, or like we're gonna call on the phone and pray every night before bed, back before you're married, and all that kind of stuff. Now we don't pray ever. I feel like Justin and I maybe we're just boring. I don't know. No, that's not true. We I feel like we're super similar. A lot of our thought processes end up being the same even if we don't talk about it. Like it's almost like a natural outflowing. Yeah. And it's different because most of the time people are like, Oh, what do you guys talk about? Like, have you had this conversation? Have you communicated these things? And I'm like, No, but but you know you're on the same page page page page page page. You know we're on the same page. Yes. I don't, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

No, I I feel like I I'm glad you said that because I feel like communication isn't just verbal. Like, we are very verbal communicators, but like body language is very communicative. Like you live together, so you're communicating in your rhythms throughout the day. Like, and if you are similar personalities, like some things you just get. We are very different. I need you to say like verbatim what you were thinking, because I do not think that way, and vice versa. And I I really struggled actually verbally communicating, so he has forced me. He will sit with me and be like, Okay, so you're upset. Why? I don't know. Okay, so let's backtrack. Like, what happened today? And I'm like, okay, so this happened, and then oh, and then I didn't like that.

SPEAKER_06 33:54

Like only that was mainly when you were in high school.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Yes, but still, still like to this day, I have like a hard time like really giving you what you need, and that's why I think he pulls it out of me. But like, I like that you mention communication, like you don't, it's not that you're

Faith, Grace, And Acts Of Service

SPEAKER_02 34:10

not interesting, it's just that you guys have like a different flow, and the way that you like do things and live your life, like you it's working for you, and that's still communicating, you know.

SPEAKER_06 34:19

Well, and I also think there's a piece, you guys are both very devout Christians, right? I would say. And this is the moment. Sweating, sweating, oh my goodness. Um But I, you know, it's clear that the that your Christian background influenced your has influenced you in a way that a lot of those things that maybe most people would have to communicate, you guys didn't because those are like your foundation. Your foundation was so similar. So that th there were a lot of inherent things that you guys just agreed upon because you, you know, something as big as faith you guys kind of already had agreed upon. So there's there's already a set group way of here's how we want to go about problems, here's generally how we want to go about living our lives that you guys were already kind of set on. Would you agree with that?

SPEAKER_03 35:08

Or yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_06 35:10

What would you say of you know, of your Christian faith, what would you say has influenced you and your relationship the most? And like how do you try to live that out through your marriage? Is there one way in particular, or or what is it? I mean, I'm just interested because even as friends, like I don't know if we've ever actually talked about this. I know we've had many theological debates, but I don't know if we've ever talked about like how do you feel like it actually influences your day-to-day or your marriage.

SPEAKER_05 35:36

I think for me personally, I'm so used to hearing people talk about arguing with their person, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, whatever. And they'll ask, oh, like, how do you ingest an argue? You're like, what was the last argument you had? And like, we don't argue. And I I'm getting to the point here with the whole Jesus thing. Yeah, uh, we don't we don't really argue. We never get in like knockdown, drag out fights. Um, if anybody was to insinuate or instigate a fight in our relationship, it would be it would be me because you can't see Justin's awesome smile right there. I love to just take ownership. Needle, needle, needle, needle, needle. Justin could probably tell you how many times I've asked him about anything specific that I want him to do. I don't know, and me trying to like just needle in there. Um, and I have to remind myself like slow to anger and like give grace. And like if it's a big deal, like I will bring it up. I'm not afraid to do that. But like I just think Jesus calls us to be slow to anger and quick to forgive and quick to give grace, especially in marriage when you're on the same team. Um so that's one thing for me, I guess, about like what my faith means in marriage. The other part is just like watching my parents' marriage and like the way my dad loved my mom, like Jesus loves the church, and like wanting to emulate that relationship. And so um the bride to the bridegroom, right? Yeah, like yeah, yeah. Is that the Catholic way of saying it?

SPEAKER_06 37:27

That's scripture, baby. Come on, that's in the gospel. No, that's St.

SPEAKER_05 37:30

Paul. Paul Paul's in the New Testament, so it's fine. Um yeah. So I guess I like that. Just like giving grace to each other, loving each other, loving Justin more than I love myself, I guess. Like putting him first. Yeah. I don't do great at that all the time, but I think about it.

SPEAKER_02 37:53

Like, does any of us like Justin does it? Justin does it very well. Actually, I would vote, I would say Joe does it very well too. It's just us woman. Why are we the way we are? Needle, needle, needle, needle, needle, needle.

SPEAKER_05 38:06

Justin is literally so selfless. I'll hand the mic over.

SPEAKER_03 38:11

Yeah. Patiently waiting and I agree.

SPEAKER_06 38:18

Justin's like, I just live out my faith by being the best husband ever possible.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

Fun fact, their last name is Best.

SPEAKER_04 38:30

Now we're not anonymous. Right. Great.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

They're gonna find us.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

You know my huge following. Sorry, go ahead. That's not good.

SPEAKER_08 38:40

All ten are gonna show up to our house.

SPEAKER_03 38:42

Yeah, right, pickety.

SPEAKER_08 38:44

You're gonna have to to blur out. Beep out our last name when it's said.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

Did Katie say a bad word? Sorry, go on. She's trying to be more natural. It's your turn.

SPEAKER_08 39:01

Um, I feel like kind of growing up in the church and like watching my parents' marriage a little bit too. Our parents aren't or well, my parents aren't like super emotional people. And like like none. There's there's not a whole lot of saying I love you. Like it's evident there's it's not a question, does my mom love me or does my dad love me, but nobody says it. We're not we're not a hugging family. I'm a hugging person, but we're not a hugging family. Yeah. I guess with my sisters. But I feel like a lot of stuff you learn in church is like your your love languages and like your gifts, and I feel like I've learned in marriage, and maybe this kind of translates from growing up in the church is one of my the way I show love is like acts of service. And so I feel like anything I can do for her, I feel like I'm loving her, and that that's like a type of language that you learn in the church. Maybe it's outside the church, I don't know. I've always been in it. Maybe maybe non-Christians are talking about that too, but I don't know. I feel like just little ways I can do things like she texted me earlier today, was like, Do I need to stop by the grocery store before for stuff for the lake tomorrow? And I was like, No, I'm not doing anything. I'll go. So like just being able to do stuff, I feel like that's how I show my love, and that is kind of rooted in what we learned growing up in the church.

SPEAKER_06 40:50

So I'm hearing a Protestant talk about uh the importance of works um with everything going on, which is very who said works. Um but no, I think what you said is interesting. Here, I'm gonna uh meta moment. Can you make sure that's plugged in? Thank you. Um because if the podcast had died, um it would have it would have ruined everything. Oh my gosh. Um But no, uh all joking aside, I think it's you're right. The you know, when you read scripture, there's it's so evident that acts of service is isn't a is a way of showing love. Like so frequently we hear um not only Christ, but in in the New Testament, the apostles, how frequently they are doing for others, and that is a sign of of love. And it's it's the way that I think love of Christ manifests itself is through that action. You know, like your love for Christ manifests itself as acts of service to Emma, just in the same way that I've hoped that my love for Katie does the same, and the way that you two love, you know, uh us is in that same way it manifests um through your love of Christ. And I just think that's that's cool. And that's you know, I'm sure there's plenty of of non-Christians to your point who do who you know they put the pieces together and figured it out, but I think it's when you when you've grown up in it and when you're in in um kind of living in it constantly, it's hard not to want to do that too. You know, like when you read scripture and you hear of you hear how hard it is, but you also hear what fruits are coming of it, it's hard for me to not want that. You know, when I hear Jesus say, you know, husbands love your your wives like I love the church, you know, like the the bride loves the bridegroom. There you go. Uh that's how can I not want to do that for Katie?

SPEAKER_02 42:42

I sorry, I just one thing like that you guys are talking about like your strengths and strengths and weaknesses, because I do feel like marriage in the best way possible kind of brings out the worst in you, but also by exposing you, brings out the best. Like your strengths are what strengthen her weaknesses, and your strengths are what strengthen your weaknesses, and like your selfless love challenges her to be a little bit more selfless, you know, and your selfish thing. Justin has a lot more strengths than me. And it's easy to think that way, like it is, but it it's it's like just incredible, like the dynamic of marriage, like it really does like challenge the things that we struggle with because we see like the goodness in our spouse, but vice versa, we see you know the stuff that our spouses struggle with and we want to help them get better.

Layoff Season And Budget Clarity

SPEAKER_02 43:35

Um, and something I really wanted to talk about, and I know we're like 40 minutes in, but I do really feel like this is what I guess led me to like want to invite you onto the podcast is saving it for the end. We didn't have a great plan, but we don't have to rush at all. Like, but um I messaged Emma the other day because I was just thinking about her, and I'm like thinking about like your relationship and watching you grow. Specifically Emma, because she's like my close friend and watching like her evolve in her marriage, I just thought to myself, like, wow, it's incredible like to know somebody and see that the way that they have like changed and grown as a person because of like the beauty of marriage. Um, anyways, that being said, I because of like all the roles that you've had changes and like the different jobs you've had, and you know, your job search in the moment and you going back to school, I feel like it really has from the outside. I have seen you guys like work through that together really gracefully. And um, so, anyways, I wanted to just like give you the space to talk about that. See, like maybe you don't feel like it's been graceful, like, or maybe you're like, yeah, like this has been a really good team building thing. Like, I don't know, like, where's your head out? Do you feel like it's been like all these changes have been a blessing to your marriage, or do you feel like it's been, oh my gosh, we're on the struggle bus? Or like, I don't know, like how like explain to me how that dynamic dynamic has been and how it's you know it's helped or maybe harmed if you're comfortable talking about like your relationship.

SPEAKER_06 45:06

Well, that's what I was gonna say. I know it's a vulnerable question too. So like however, however you guys want to go about it.

SPEAKER_05 45:11

Yeah. Do we have to give background? No. No. I mean, whatever. No. Um I'll just say and then I'll let Justin go and then I'll go. Uh yeah. Good plan. That it has been a great blessing. And I think we have handled it with grace, but not because of like us. I think that our parents taught us well, and like we have uh something that grounds us more than like finances, I guess. Yeah. Um, and so yeah, I it's been great. It's been hard, but it's been good. Okay, you go.

SPEAKER_08 45:54

For a little background that nobody else wanted to say. I got laid off in January and uh did the job search thing for a few months, had one that was felt like it I mean it was an offer essentially without the correct paperwork, and that fell through um so been out of a job for seven months now, which is wild. Uh in like not being able to find a job, we decided me kind of begrudgingly, it's a good word, me and Joe Reed.

SPEAKER_06 46:34

Yep, yeah SAT words right here.

SPEAKER_08 46:37

I went back to school. Yeah. Didn't really want to, didn't finish my degree the first time. So uh in talking with people, talking with our uh small group leader, he suggested perfect time to go back to school. You don't have kids. Yeah. Emma's still working full time. So went back to school, should be done here next week.

SPEAKER_06 47:01

Hope that's right. That's right. Um are you gonna do a like have a little party, have a little celebration? No. Right. We're gonna we'll get you a nice steak or something. Yeah. Can we just have him like walk around downtown Greenville in a cap and gown?

SPEAKER_08 47:15

Yeah. We'll fly out west wherever it's like Idaho or Utah or wherever it's based where they do the graduation. Not doing that. Yeah. Uh but we should be cap and gown pictures. Not doing cap and gown pictures. Yeah. Just not. So I mean, getting laid off is not fun. Yeah. Didn't like the job anyway. Yeah. But uh it hasn't been like that difficult. Obviously, like cutting back on finances and like being on the same page about our budget when we're bringing in half the money we were bringing in before. Yeah. Um that's kinda weird and maybe the only source of like tension or tension, but not even in like a super negative way, just in a like how where do we need to cut back? And it also showed like we were we do our budget every month together, and like when we were both working, we were spending and saving, doing retirement, yeah, and have a little money on the top at the end of that.

SPEAKER_06 48:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 48:34

And now with just one salary coming in, we're spending and saving having a little less money on the top, but it it kind of taught us that we were spending too much. Yeah. Or I mean a lot of it was house projects or things, so it's kinda you save up for those, but yeah. Dog dog his dog. Dog broke his leg. A couple surgeries later, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. But it it hasn't been that difficult, and it's kinda kinda showed I guess some good things that we were spending too much money. Yeah. Now we've learned that we d we can live off a little less and be a little more wise with where our money goes.

SPEAKER_06 49:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 49:21

Um, I had something else and I forgot where that's okay.

SPEAKER_06 49:24

Stall, stall, stall, stall. But no, but I mean I think it was cool, and like I mean, just in speaking to you too, like throughout the process, like I felt like, you know, Katie mentioned it, and I think you did too, Emma, but like there was like you do just have like a great sense of calm in like even in kind of around the storm, like I do feel like you were always calm, and I think it goes back to being rooted in a faith and rooted and grounded in something more than the finances. You know that there's more important things to be had. You know, you can always figure out a another way to balance the budget, you can always find another way to to you know make sure the 401k hits the number it needs to down the road, but you know that the what's most important is that, you know, when we're when we're dust, are we in the right spot? Right. And I think that that sense of um knowing what is important gives you a sense of calm, which then allows you to tackle the heavier problems with um a little bit of levity compared to holy cow, I almost said a bad word again like I did on the other podcast. Holy cow, like what are we, you know, the sky is fallen, what are we gonna do? Because I really do think you you you guys and and sorry Emma, Justin in particular handled it with with a lot of grace, and um I was uh it was cool for me to see on that end for sure. And thank you for being vulnerable and and sharing that.

SPEAKER_08 50:48

I remember the other thing. Uh Emma's been great through it. Yeah, like super supportive.

SPEAKER_03 50:56

Um just a box to check. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 51:01

No, there's times where like talking about the traditional roles like we were earlier, like kind of feel like I'm the one who's expected to like bring home the money, and uh so there's times where I I can get in my own head about that and feel down about it, and Emma's always very supportive and finds a way to make me feel better about myself in those moments.

SPEAKER_06 51:30

That's what lives are for. Yeah, yeah. All this podcast they've just been talking about how terrible they are and how great we are. So we can just keep this going.

SPEAKER_08 51:38

No, you got it, huh?

SPEAKER_05 51:40

Are you sure? I was just gonna say Are you sure? Thank you. It's my turn. Yeah, I'm just kidding. Um so it's kind of funny hearing your perspective on it because and it makes sense, actually. It's funny and it makes sense. Because even before you got laid off, like I am such a let me think like five years from now, ten years from now. Yeah, what are we doing right right now? What are we doing wrong right now, and how can we optimize the future? Yeah, and so like even when Justin was like hating his job, I was like, what are we gonna do? What do you want to do? Have you thought about what you want to do? Have you finded any more jobs? Needle, needle, needle, needle. And Justin's like, no. And so Justin is such a like live in the moment, not gonna worry about the future. And I'm like a worry about the future kind of person. Yeah. Um, and so when when Justin got laid off, I do remember like going on a walk through a neighborhood, and I was like, you know what, this is a blessing. You hated that job. This gives you the space to like find something you like, right?

SPEAKER_08 52:47

Emma, Emma had four action items by the end of that walk.

SPEAKER_05 52:52

Probably, yeah. I we got home, we sat down, I said, What are you gonna do this week? We made a list. Um but there was like uh it was like a blessing in disguise. And then like the weeks turned into a couple months, like not finding a job, having no luck. And this is where like one of the the things that was kind of tension for me in our communication of actually like not communicating, was like I'm going to work, and I'm like, what's Justin doing all day? He's not telling me anything about what he's doing. And so I get home and I'm like pissed off, like you haven't cleaned the house and and you haven't applied to any jobs. And he's like, No, I applied to like 50 jobs today, and I'm like, Oh, like there was a lack of communication of like what I was expecting and like what he was actually doing, and I wasn't communicating my expectations, and he was not communicating like what he was actually doing all day. So, like that tension definitely started to build for me, and like finally, in terms of the job search and all that stuff, and Justin deciding to go back to school and having a plan, I think was good for you because it gave you something to like set your focus towards, and good for me because I was like, okay, we can relax, like we have a course of action, it's not like scrambling for whatever. Um and so that's been really good to just like you know, trust the process, trust whatever God's got for us. Um, but on the like financial side, like I quit my job in Pac You and started this new job working five days a week, and it was truly such a blessing, like set up before Justin got laid off. I accepted the job like the week before Justin got laid off. And in my previous job, like I was losing hours and hours and hours. So if I had stayed there, like financially it would have been harder. Um, like we're making ends meet and whatever, but working 40 hours and getting paid 40 hours every week is like such a blessing that like obviously, yeah, like God knew that was coming. And then the other thing is just like you said, we were spending so much money on random stuff, and we've cut our we've cut our income in half, and like we still buy food, we still pay our rent, we still can do fun stuff every now and then, maybe not to the same degree or as often, but like learning to live with what you have and like not going into debt and all that stuff. Maybe I'll do like a little Dave Ramsey shout out. Yeah. Just kidding. Um like learning to live within your means is so freeing. Yeah. And it's people think like making less money is gonna be such like a restraint on you.

SPEAKER_07 55:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:49

And it's really not. It's like the same, I think you can apply it to your budget, living with your in your means, the same way as you can apply like not living together before you're married or not having sex before you're married. Like the rules, the rules, those constraints are actually so freeing. Yeah. And it's like, man, if like God wants us to literally be free and saved and like go to heaven, like, why would He not want us to be free in our finances and free in everything? Yeah. And so like learning that and learning to be okay with, you know, what we have is so humbling and freeing and a blessing. Now, of course, I'm excited, like, oh, we can save and we can go on these trips whenever Justin gets a job, but like, hey, we can also be more generous, which is something we haven't been able to do like quite as much as we had before. And so there's there's like excitement in the future, but but not necessarily in like this big selfish, like, oh yeah, you gotta buy like seven more things from Amazon every week or whatever, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:54

Whoa. I love I love the word freeing because I do feel like from a friend, from a friend's perspective, like I do feel like I see this kind of like freedom like radiating off of you. And just like you're like in your conversation, like you're just very like lighthearted. Not that you weren't before. Like I I'm not saying I like this version of you better. It's more of just like intense, wow. Like I I like I love like this new Emma. Like I just like love like how she's like acting and like living her life. I loved her before and like I couldn't, like I didn't think I could like love her more, you know what I mean? I just like feel like that's what you like that's when you have close relationships, you like notice that in people. Um and like to your point too, like this idea that we need to like control everything or have a plan. I'm I'm the same way. You probably know that. Like, I like to have a plan, I like to know what's gonna happen. I like to take care of future, Katie. I didn't realize how constraining that was. Like, it's good, like it's good to be prepared, right? Like, that's what the world teaches us. But then to an extent, there needs to be a little bit of faith, there needs to be a little bit of trust. Like, and I feel like seasons like this are a reminder that like you're not in control, and God's like the ultimate control. Like every sense of control that we feel like we have is kind of just false. Like, it's like this false sense of control. Like, sure, I I can control I'm that I'm gonna wake up at seven o'clock in the morning. God's gonna allow me that. But everything else, like, that's not within my control. And I feel like in our marriage, like obviously having a baby has been very like wow, roles have been changed. Things that I thought I could control have no longer I can I control. But that realization has been very freeing, and I feel like we have grown so much, and like in a way, have also lived a little bit more lightly and lightheartedly because it's like, okay, well, why stress about it?

SPEAKER_01 58:45

Because I can't do anything about it anymore.

SPEAKER_06 58:49

I think that's a great place to end.

SPEAKER_07 58:52

Itching to be done.

SPEAKER_06 58:54

Oh yeah, whoa, don't don't it we're not itching to be done, but no, I I actually think that that's like the perfect way to end it because I think that is right. Like the the rules and the quote unquote restrictions that that are I don't even say imposed, that God lays out are ways for us to not only live you know get into heaven, but I truly think it's ways for us to live a better life on earth. Like God wants us to be joyful, and yes, there's like suffering and there's things that are hard and struggle, but like if you some of the most joyful people on earth are those that are living, you know, they're hermits, or they are living as you know, um, some of the poorest people on earth, or like you think about, and they're not these some of them aren't even Christian. You think about you know, the people like the Tibetan monks who resounce renounce all their possessions and just like go live in the mountains and meditate all day, and they're like the literally the happiest people. Like they like I remember like looking at a study, like they'll they like looked at dopamine and serotonin levels in these guys, and it was like through the roof because they they are in tune with what is actually important in the world and everything. Um but no, I agree. So I wait, we have one more segment, right?

Roots And Fruits Daily Rituals

SPEAKER_06 1:00:05

Yes, we can rooted and fruited.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:09

Fruited, fruit of the leaves. No, roots and fruits.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:13

Roots and fruits. Sorry. Oh my goodness, rooted and fruited is so different.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:18

Rooted and fruit fruited.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:19

Uh so what do you would you say right now it can be different or together is keeping you guys rooted, and what is the fruit that you're seeing from that?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:28

Simple.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:29

Like you don't need to be like so deep. Sometimes I feel like Joe and I are like, let me talk about all the depth of the deep things. But it can be so simple and silly. Like whatever, like whatever you guys are loving these days.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:40

Like, why shouldn't that can be Justin's? Um I think for me, and it is kind of silly and small, um, but background, my family, because we all lived in different places when I was in college, every Sunday we'd have a little Zoom back when zooming was cool. And we'd always end our little video call chats, whatever, with like half a heart. And so everybody would put up half a heart, so you like complete the hearts, right? Yeah, it's cute, whatever. Um, and so ever probably the last month, maybe every morning, Justin. When I leave for work, Justin walks out into the garage with me and he opens the door, and I put all my stuff in in the car, and yeah, he gives me a little kiss. And and he says, he says, sometimes a big kiss, like, look out, neighbors, I don't know. Like, avert your eyes. Yeah. Um, but he says, have the best day ever. And I say, make it a good day. And then as I'm backing out the the driveway, I throw up my little half heart, and he throws up his little half heart, and he closes the garage door. And as I drive away, Sammy's in the front window looking at me, driving away. And it's just like such a sweet way to start the morning.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:02

It's really cute.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:03

Um so you know, it helps us stay rooted, like I guess, in just like a little marriage to look forward to everything every morning. And then the fruits, like, it's just joy. Like, I just get a small. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:15

I love that I know that about you. Like, I feel like you wouldn't have shared that with me if I we didn't put you on the spot like this.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:21

I'm mad that she shared that.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:23

It just is like, no, that's a two personal I definitely don't send a little heart out to her. Oh, you freaking.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:31

No, me. I surf.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:33

Yeah. Oh I'll have to show you the video later.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:41

Oh, I love that you have a video of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:43

Of surfing.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:45

Oh. I'd probably run into a garden or something.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:52

Do you imagine Emma videoing that? You've known her for how long?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:57

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:59

I just hoped. Do you have something, or is that also your root and fruit?

SPEAKER_08 1:03:06

I didn't know that was gonna be hers. It's mine now, I guess. I didn't have much for this segment, but one thing that we talked about starting that we haven't started is doing like a little Bible study, book study. Uh a little marriage study. We we went through um John Piper marriage book when we got engaged. And we're talking. We're talking about doing that again. Yeah. So maybe that'll keep was it John Piper? Tim Keller.

Final Laughs And Closing Line

SPEAKER_08 1:03:40

They're the same. They're the same. Christian author. Short first names and last names, the end and err.

unknown 1:03:47

Yeah, er.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:48

This is really fun. This is fun because we like to yap. So thank you for listening. If you are. Um if you listen to the podcast, you know how it ends, but if you don't, I'm just gonna assume you don't, so then I will tell you how it ends.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:03

We say, let's keep growing together. Oh, I thought we were gonna climb the climb together now. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:10

Alright, okay, yes, hold on, hold on, hold on. Thank you guys for listening. Um, as wait.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:17

See, again, we I mean, we've we've we I was looking the other day. We have like 60 episodes almost. That's awesome. All right, we'll be let's keep growing together, right? Three, two, one, let's keep growing together. Bye, y'all.