Life Lately: What 6 months of Parenthood have been like so far

We pick up five months after Mary Jo’s birth and finally talk out loud about what the newborn season has felt like for us. The big surprise is how much bonding, confidence, and even our marriage grew through time, work, and a lot of messy learning. 

• catching up after a long break and naming this as a real-time processing talk 
• peaks and pits from the week and why change can feel so unsettling 
• the birth story from “is this labor?” to five centimeters dilated and a fast delivery 
• expectations for the golden hour compared to shock, pain, and the reality of holding a newborn 
• early bonding and why it can feel delayed for both moms and dads 
• the mental load of new parenthood and why everything feels high stakes at first 
• structure versus flexibility and how we’re learning what works for our family 
• trusting each other with solo parenting and building confidence by pushing ourselves 
• favorite baby products we actually use and would recommend 

Let’s keep growing together. 

An exclusive from Dery Media Podcasts. Explore diverse perspectives and enrich your knowledge at derymedia.com. Telling stories that matter, sparking meaningful discussions.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

That's Katie saying, hello world. Welcome back to podcasting.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Hi, friendos.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Friendos.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Buddies.

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SPEAKER_00 0:10

Katie was laughing because, like, when you're podcasting, you have your headphones on, like, right when you're starting, and you can hear yourself through the headphones. Is that what headphones do? Yeah. It's crazy. And uh both of us took like a giant like gulp and like swallowed. And it was just really loud over there. It was so loud. We should have kept it. We are keeping it.

Marker 2

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Marker 4

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Oh, actually, we we started right after we did that. But don't you worry. You bet I will be drinking a gulp of water at some point. Big time.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

We have a new bigger, better Oala for Katie now.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Yes, 40 ounces, baby. Yeah. She's hydrated.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

It's never enough.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Never. I actually am dehydrated according to my labs. My creatinine through the roof.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Katie drinks probably two and a half to three of those 40 ounce waters a day.

unknown 1:10

It's not enough.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Plus like eight coffees and a well that dehydrates you, so that might be part of the you also drink a big liquid IV every day. The coconut water.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Well, that's yeah, that's that's life these days, guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

If we could take a liquid IV of Dr. Pepper Zero, we would do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

I totally would. Right? Just a little drip. I totally would.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

A drip feed.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Uh, welcome back, friends. It has been ages.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Let's see, it's been she's five months, and I think we're five.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

We recorded, we posted an episode like two days after she was born.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Did did they know that you had pi kidney stones? Was that recorded? I think that was.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

I think that was. Yeah. Because that was like two weeks before.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

We definitely re-listen to every podcast to make sure we don't repeat ourselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

We're gonna repeat ourselves. Yeah, we will. That's just like the state of our brains at the moment.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Katie, what's our podcast called? She forgot. It's called The Vine.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Welcome back. What did what did we say before? Welcome to the Vine.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

I'm Katie.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

And I'm Joe.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

And this is the Vine.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

Is that really what I don't know?

SPEAKER_00 2:17

I think it was some it was something along those lines. But I love I said, Katie, what's the name of our podcast? And she looked at me completely blank-faced.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Welcome to the Vine. The Vine with Joe and Katie Devine. Sure. I can't remember how we see it.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Yeah, we'll we'll look back. We'll we'll be back in better the next time for sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

This is a brain dump. We've been doing a lot of brain dumping lately.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Yeah, sure. Sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

I've been doing a lot of brain dumping. Because there's just so much. There's so much.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

I just don't like the phrase brain dumping.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

I don't, there's no other way to describe it. There's so much information and clutter. There's clutter in my brain. Yes. And you mean your brain is cluttered too, okay? Don't act like you have it on that. No, my brain's very cluttered. And so that this episode is a brain dump episode. We are going to just walk through and maybe run through and possibly skip through events that have happened.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

How about ride a boat through?

SPEAKER_02 3:19

Whoa. That's too smooth sailing.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Like that's not see, that's usually there, smooth sailing.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

Yeah, that's nothing is smooth about the last five months.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

No, no.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

But it's been chaotic and fun and a lot. And I think we're just going to literally unclutter our brains and just process. That's what I want to say.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

We're processing the fastest processing sounds a lot better than brain dumping.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Synonymous. Those are synonymous.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Okay. There you go.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

But yeah, I don't think that we've really given ourselves a chance to like verbally process the past five months. Would you say so?

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Uh yeah. I mean, I think we've talked all the time.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

We've talked about it in spurts, but we haven't had like one long stream of thoughts that connect in a conversation longer than about five minutes.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

That's probably fair.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

So that's what this is. So it might not make a lot of sense, but I feel like this is relatable. This is life.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Like Yeah. And I believe our most listened to podcast was the one where we talked about our fertility journey.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

And so I feel like a lot of people cared about that episode. So I feel like it's it's this is the fun update, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:31

This is a very fun update. And there's a lot to update. And also like not a lot. Oh, highs and lows. That's what you're doing. That's not what it's called. Ups and downs, peaks and valleys.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

She's still it's peaks and pits, remember?

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

I know.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Wow, peaks.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

I knew she wasn't gonna remember it too. Like we were talking about, like we at least were talking about what you know the structure of our podcast, and I was like, she has no idea that I'm gonna ask her what her peak and pit was.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

That felt familiar. I just couldn't put like I literally couldn't put the title to what the segment is.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Yeah, no, you did great. You almost got there. I mean it's all the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Rivers and roads.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Rivers and roads.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Uh okay, yeah, peak and pit.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Yeah, what's your peak and pit?

SPEAKER_02 5:20

Per usual. Didn't have time to process this. Okay, pit yesterday. Yesterday, I had once every two weeks, I would say. I probably have like uh just like an emotional unraveling.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Yeah, I wouldn't say I would not call it a breakdown.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

No, I didn't have a breakdown. Tears were not shed. I just felt really unsettled. I just like I every now and then, every couple weeks or so, there's a day where I feel so unsettled because I know change is on the horizon and I like want to beat I want to beat the change. I want to prepare for the change before it catches up to me, and I feel that coming.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Specifically, most of our life revolves around Mary Joe.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

Um, and she's five months now, so she's just changing a lot. So yeah, I just yesterday was rough as far as like feeling unsettled, but as I previously said, I did a lot of brain dumping with Joe. And we processed and we worked through we worked through it. And yeah, and then a peak, I would say, what even happened this past week?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

We had a lot, I feel like.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

A lot of good things, but I can't I can't think. Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Uh she turned five months.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

She turned five months. That was fun. I think today was just a good day. I think like it's it was uh it's always nice having um like a good day after a day that you feel like everything's kind of out of control and you don't have any sound.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

I would say you were really happy. She went down to whatever nap.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

And that just is unheard of around here. And that it's the little things that make me feel like a champion. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Well, deservedly so. You're an amazing mom.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I feel like there's so much more I could say, but that was at the forefront of my mind.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Yeah, well, that's good. And listen, but this isn't we've got a lot of baby talk coming, so you know you gotta you gotta tease it out a little bit. Yeah, you're right. Your turn. I would say my pit would be um Wednesday, I had to drive home from Nashville, and I had driven to Nashville on Monday, and it was just a long It's been a long couple weeks of travel. Yeah, I've had work's been pretty busy for me, and so like, and as every dad who listens to the podcast can say, like, yeah, it's like crazy when you like have a a lot of work and then you come home to kids, it's like it's like double work. It's like, hey, you have more work to do, man. Um but I think just like the thing that is like really, I mean, annoying or hard, I don't know what the right word is, but like just driving for six hours with like not really doing anything is what's kind of almost makes it harder because you're just your brain is like kind of fried. And then I feel like it's similar to like watching a five-month-old is kind of similar to driving because like you you're you have to be very focused on what's going on, like you have to be focused on the road, but like you're also just sitting there, you know, so it's like you have to figure out like how to keep yourself entertained and how to stay focused, but also like one wrong move and everybody could die, or like that's a bit dramatic. No, but like you know, like you you like when you're watching a five-month-old, like she's fine, like I can put her on the ground, but like I gotta make sure she's taken care of, like, I gotta make sure she's okay. Like, she's not gonna roll over on something.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

You can't turn your brain off.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Yeah, you can't fully turn your brain off. I think that's what makes it hard hard. Yeah. Um, peak, I would say uh yesterday night, while it was tough for you, uh, we had some Filipino food from a good food truck in Greenville, and it was awesome. It was very good. Um so I would say that was and being in Nashville while driving there was not fun. Uh one night we went out on Broadway for like a company thing, and that was really fun.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

That's anything paid for.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Anything paid for is very fun.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

I agree.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

So that was fun. Um yeah, that's our our peaks and pits.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

Right, right back in peaks.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

Peaks and valleys, highs and lows, rivers and roads.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Yep, there you go.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

Rivers and roads. Is that a song? It is. Rivers and roads. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Um really just stunning, stunning work over here. Thank you. All right, so we I mean the people have waited long enough. Katie, you have to tell you.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

No, the people have not waited. They've probably forgot about us.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

They have most likely.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

This is our our breakthrough episode. Remember us.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

We've had multiple people ask us when we're gonna start the podcast back up.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

Have we?

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

I've only heard of the one. Scott, thanks for listening. We love you.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Connor's asked.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Umor, hello.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

So thank you for joining. Yeah, exactly. Uh I'm sure like somebody else's. I think Emma asked too. Okay, Emma.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

Someone asked me. I'm sure. Emma, thank you. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

All right. The story of MJ's birth. So what happened?

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Ah, man. Not really exciting, which was amazing. I love that it was not exciting.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

I we had too much excitement two weeks prior to her being born.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

So just a little refresher, Katie had kidney stones. Two weeks before I had the baby. And we thought it was an early labor. And I would say overall, especially for you, miserable process.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Very miserable. I am way too familiar with being in pain in the bathtub.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

That's fair. That's very familiar with that.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

Um Yeah, so kidney stones were at 36 weeks. So that was so miserable that when I actually came to the point of going into labor, I was like major gaslighting myself.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

You kind of did not you almost refused to go to the hospital.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I I did refuse to go.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

You did for a day.

SPEAKER_02 11:27

Um, because if you remember when I had kidney stones, I went to the hospital and they told me to go home because they said I was not having contractions and I was probably just having back spasms. And I was like, okay, I mean, I was having a lot of back pain throughout pregnancy, so I'm probably being dramatic. So when I was actually having contractions, it's like a different kind of pain. If you've ever experienced either, kidney stones is like a constant dull ache, and contractions is like excruciating pain for like a minute, and then you like have relief. And so the relief is what was confusing me. Um, I started going into labor maybe like Thursday night.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Yeah, I was gonna say it was Thursday night, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:07

Yeah, early Thursday night. And it was like uncomfortable, but it just like felt like period cramps and you slept through it, right? Yeah, it felt like period cramps. I was like, oh well, let me just turn on a heating pad and call it a night.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

But what was different about it was I kept waking up like every 30 minutes, and I was like, well, that's really annoying. Um and I was like, maybe it's like Braxton Hicks, because I really hadn't experienced true like Braxton Hicks, which sometimes happens.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

And that's like a that's like a fake contraction.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

Yeah, like it is a it is a contraction, but it is not like labor contractions.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

So I know that that happens often like to give people context, this is we're still two weeks out from MJ's eight weeks pregnant at the time. So that's the other reason I think why you were like down here.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

Yeah, I was like, it's too early. And then everybody kept telling me like I had I truly had like no other signs of labor. The only other time I was a little bit confused was with the kidney stones, but when we cleared that, nothing really was going on. I mean, that Saturday before I went to a wedding, I was jumping all over the place. Um whose wedding were we at? You do not come with me. Nice. It was a I went solo wedding. But and then the Sunday, that Sunday before I had her, we went to a a comedy show, and I was like laughing my booty off. Like I was having such a good time, totally fine all week. Um, so yeah, anyways, Thursday night I really had no expectations of going into labor, and so I thought it was just like Braxton Hicks or fake contractions or back pain. I was like, I'm fine, like truly, I'm not in as much pain as I was with kidney stones, and I did not want to go to the hospital and be told to turn around. But then it became like early, early morning Thursday, and I was like, this is Friday. No, oh yeah, early Friday, sorry, right before work. It was like maybe two o'clock in the morning, and I was like, this is just not comfortable. Like nothing is helping. So I Joe at this time was like, Can you just call the hospital? And so I called and they kind of worked me or talked me through it, and they were like, Maybe you could be in labor. It also could just be like Braxton Hicks, like because my contractions weren't very regular, and they weren't happening as often as like they would if they if I was in actual labor. So they're like, just keep timing it. And so I did. Funny enough, like I was totally fine. Went to work, told my like co-workers that I might be in labor, but I'm probably not, and I just kind of worked.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

I believe you you had like these like virtual training modules that you had to finish, so you like stayed late at work finishing those, correct?

SPEAKER_02 14:50

Well, because in the back of my mind, I was like, I could be in labor, but I'm really not quite sure. But all day, I mean, I was trying, I told myself that I was gonna like time my contractions at work, and if they got closer together, then I was gonna, I mean, I work close to the hospital, I would be delivering. So I really was not worried about it. But obviously, I'm at work, so I really didn't have time to like actually time my contraction. So nothing I was recording was very accurate. I'm like walking around the the infusion room, bent over, and then starting an IV and then stopping and be like, oh, hold on a second.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

I'm fine, I'm fine, it's fine. Hang on, my baby's coming. Just give me one moment.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

My patients were like, You're walking really funny today. And I'm like, am I? I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Meanwhile, Katie's basically rolling around.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

I mean, I was. Luckily, it was not like a super crazy day at work. I believe Thursday was absolutely insane. So I am convinced that Thursday I worked so hard that it like put my body into labor. I really do think so. Um, Friday was super chill, which was thank I was thankful for. But then towards the end of the day, as my contraction started to get closer together, but again, not sure because I wasn't accurately recording anything, but in my head, I'm like, these feel a little bit more intense. It occurred to me that maybe I am going into labor, and I had all these learning modules I need to do. And if you're a nurse, you know like how much of a headache it is to do these.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Um, it's like five o'clock, and I usually get off around five, and I was like, you know what? I'm just going to stand and bend over on this desk while I am on my computer and in a lot of pain, but I need to do these learning modules. So I stay like all the way up until six to finish these learning modules because I was like, I could potentially, potentially have this baby tonight. But like, no way. Let me just get these out of the way. So yeah, I did that. I came home, I was fine for dinner, and then it was like right before we went to bed. I was like, you were like, okay, if you can't sleep through them, then we're gonna call. And then if you're fine, then we're fine. I like I feel like we got into bed and turned off the lights, and I laid there for maybe like 10 minutes, and I was like, I'm unwell.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

There was also one other, like, we didn't realize it until we like actually prepped to leave for the hospital. But one of our dogs was avoiding Katie like the plague.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

Yes, like Oliver, whereas the other one, Lucy, we all know Lucy. Yeah, sweet blue so like just like like stuck to me like glue.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Like would not leave your side, like was just like putting her head on my belly, like this and this was like throughout the pregnancy, but especially that Thursday, Friday, she was all right.

SPEAKER_02 17:48

Whereas Oliver on Friday was like would sit across the living room and look at me and look just like so dumbfounded.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

He was like, get out of here, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 17:59

He was like nervously walking around me.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

He would not like if Katie walked towards him, he would get up and walk away.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

He was like, You reek of hormones.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

You're having a child right now, and I want to be nowhere near.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

Meanwhile, Lucy was like, oh my god, let me cuddle the baby.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Like, can I see the baby?

SPEAKER_02 18:16

Yes, let me like you're I'm here, I'm a girl's girl.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

She was. And then, but then so you called the we or we called the hospital.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

I was unwell that like right before we went to bed, and I was like, okay, I actually can't sleep through these. So I called the nurse, and it was just funny, like the way that like so the nurse I had talked to Thursday night, we we were just like talking it through, and she's like, hmm, you could be in labor, I'm not really sure. But then I called the nurse um Friday night, and it was a totally different nurse, and she just like took what I said, I don't even remember what I said, and she was like, Okay, you're probably in labor, so I will let the hospital know that you're on the way.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

And they were like, Yeah, come on down.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

And I was like, Okay, so just like her lack of hesitation, like she was just like Yeah, it wasn't like come on. Like we were not talking through anything. She was like, Come into the hospital, but I still was doubting it.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

And then we walk up because also when you had your kidney stones, when we went to the hospital and you walked in and you kept saying you weren't having the baby, and everybody was like, She's having the baby.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

And then guess what?

SPEAKER_00 19:19

And then you didn't have the baby.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

They sent me home.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

But then when we went in this time, we had your initial exam, or you're you know, whatever, they check how dilated you were, and the the the the beforehand, the the nurse who checked you was like, Okay, like you know, we'll check and see how dilated you are. Like, you know, there's definitely a chance.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

Because I truly, sorry, truly was not looking, and maybe I'm picturing this or remembering this wrong, but I don't feel like stoic. I don't feel like I looked like I was in as much pain as I did when I came in with kidney stones.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

No, you it's a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

Like I walked in with my bags.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

I mean, I might have been like We wheeled you in with the kid with the kidney stones.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

But I walked in like maybe like bent over a little bit, but and the nurse even gave us like a pep talk before. She's like, if you're not super dilated, then you can like walk around, we could, you know, send you home. It's really not a big deal, but she was very nice and super validating.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Like, I'm glad you came in, which was really But she did she kind of made it seem like hey, we're kind of not sure yet, you know, we'll see, but you know, you might you might be going home in a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

Yeah. And anyways, so but she checked me.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Then she and then she was like, Oh, you're having the baby.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

Yeah, I was five centimeters dilated when I got to the hospital, which I don't even know what that means. So you you're 10 centimeters dilated when baby is like on the way. So I was like already halfway there. Um, but yeah, that was the probably the most exciting part after that. Um I got I did end up getting the epidural because I truly had not slept Thursday night at all. Like, I mean I might have been on and off sleeping, but I had not had like a full night of rest. And so I honestly I just opted to get the epidural so I could sleep before this little baby came.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

It's the right call.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

Um and then after that, it was pretty smooth sailing.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Like I've Well they they put you on the peanut. And then the uh I guess the I think everything happened a lot quicker than everyone was expecting to. Well, yes, because the the nurse, the m the the day nurse that came in at the shift change at seven, she came in at like nine o'clock and I think prepped us and was like, Hey, we're gonna, you know, do a couple practice pushes, see, see how you're feeling. The doctor had a surgery at like 10 15 or something like that. And then she was like, after the doctor has the surgery, she'll come in and then we'll really push. Push. Yeah. And you did two practice pushes, and the nurse said, We're gonna have the baby right now.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

Let me go get the doctor now. She's gonna come here first.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

Uh and then you just pushed and then the baby was here.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

That was Saturday morning. So I guess So she was born ten, four.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

October 4th.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

At 9 45. Yes. On the dot.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Yeah, on the dot.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

On time girly.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

No, early. She's an early girl. She's an early girl. She came two weeks early.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Two weeks early.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Um, but yeah, I think people were just shocked at how quickly like everything was happening because we went to the hospital Friday night, told my mom and dad who live in Shapin or Columbia, and told your parents who live in Chapin. And surely, like, they would have plenty of time. Like everything I've heard from so many people was that like it like the process of giving birth, especially if you get the epidural or any kind of medications, I think you're fine. Takes like 24 to 48 hours. Yeah, and because it was my first, like, usually it takes a lot longer. So I mean, we called our parents, but we were like, surely they have enough time to get here. And my mom really wanted to be there before I had the baby, too. And so, um, but like within a couple hours of of getting the epidural and getting into the hospital, I was like progressing so fast we had to call my parents again and be like, uh, she's not seven centimeters, um, she's nine centimeters, like, where are you?

SPEAKER_01 23:07

The baby's here.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

Yeah. Luckily, everyone made it on time. Um, but yeah, it was super fast, super smooth sailing. I was too much. Nurses were great.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

We had awesome nurses.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Yes, the nurses were so great, especially the initial nurse who like checked us in. Like, she was the charge nurse, and they were clearly very busy. But she took like a lot of time and like, I don't know, just I felt like really mentally prepped us.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

And the other nurse we had that was the one that delivered her? Well, she was awesome.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

She was like Yeah, seasoned queen.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

But the one of the night nurses that took over in the middle of the night during MJ's first night, and MJ had had her like her first night, she was just crying all the time, and yeah, I mean, I which is normal, but we were stuck. We just we were exhausted and like hadn't really gotten any sleep, and the nurse came in and offered, she was like, All right, if the baby won't go down in the next 15 minutes and like stay asleep for at least a little bit, she's like, I will walk around with her.

SPEAKER_02 24:05

Yeah, luckily she had the magic touch and Mary Joe went right to sleep. But um, but yeah, the nurses were I'm I mean, I just honestly like wanted to get in and get out.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Like she And I cut the cord.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Joe did cord. I can't believe I cut the cord. Oh, we have to talk about that. Oh so it was just me and Joe in the birthing room or delivery room, and um it was just funny.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

In the birthing tub. No.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

It was just really funny. I felt I feel like at first it was like really intimate. Like it was just me, Joe, and the nurse. And Joe and the nurse were both holding my legs.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

And I was like, wow, this is kind of awkwardly quiet. So then Joe starts playing music on his phone. No speaker, just on his phone.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

Just on my phone.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Just to like get the money. Yeah, someone did macroman, but we forgot we forgot the speaker because everything was so sudden.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

And we didn't make a playlist or anything.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

No, we well, I think Ali and Nicole did make a playlist, but it was like a worship playlist, and we kind of wanted like just something like that.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

She was born to the AJR song birthday party.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

It was just so funny. How does that go? Thank you for coming to my birthday. For coming to my birthday party. I'm one minute old today. That was just so fun.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

But the doctor, when Katie actually started pushing, like, you know, the doctor's like, oh look, her head's popping out, and then she told me to look. And I'm like, why did you tell me to do that?

SPEAKER_02 25:28

So it was very squeamish.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

And I was like, I wish I hadn't looked. And then right as the right as MJ, I mean, literally, she had she's pulled MJ out, the doctor starts yelling at me to take pictures. She's like, Dad, Dad, where's your phone? Get your phone out, take a picture. And I'm like, sorry, I'm a little overwhelmed right now. My first baby's just been born.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

I watched it all. Yeah. I was holding her leg.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Yeah, like, don't worry, lady. I'm here. All right. We're gonna have plenty of pictures of MJ.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Just give me like No, but I'm glad that you took a picture. However, within two minutes of MJ being born, she's born at 945, 947. Joe sends that that exact picture to everyone on the face of the planet.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

First of all, it's just like a couple of our friend groups, and the picture, it's not as bad as you think it is, but it's pretty bad. Katie isn't actually exposed, but I'm very exposed. But looks potentially exposed in the picture. I mean, if you haven't people aren't looking at you, they're looking at MJ.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

I think they were probably a little distracted by me in the background.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

No, listen, you couldn't see any.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

So clearly, Joe's mind was a little bit all over the place because he just had been yelled at by this doctor and had just witnessed the birth of his first daughter. And she was very nice to me. And now she he has this picture and he's like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna send this out to the world.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

It was a very cute picture of MJ. It is a really I'm really glad we have this totally looks like an alien.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

She looks like so alien. Yeah. So that was the first picture that was introduced to the world. And you know what? If you've got that picture, just know that you are truly family.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yeah, that's fair. Um, and that's the birth story. Yeah, and she came home and and now she's five months old.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

Yeah. Five months later, here we are.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Katie, what has been the most surprising thing to you about being a mom? We're five months in, so uh we're gonna talk about you tell me your most surprising thing. Okay. So we have a couple of little things we'll talk about, and then I'm sure MJ's gonna infect everything that we talk about because it's just a part of our lives. But don't worry, we're not gonna only focus on baby stuff. We're gonna talk about everything in life in general. So it's not gonna only be baby content in the future.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

I don't think so. We'll see what happens.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Katie's like, it's gonna be baby content.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

She'll be like woven in there every now and then.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

Yeah, as always. Um but my most surprising thing, I think, was figuring out, and we're gonna touch on this more later, but I think the most surprising thing for me was like a little bit how disconnected I felt to her when she was first born. And I think it was just because and I'm sure a lot of dads feel this way, where it's like, you know, you were pregnant, so you at least had some relationship to her, but every everything, every relationship I had to her was like through an ultrasound picture. You know, and then all of a sudden everybody leaves out of that hospital room and you're just in charge of this baby now. And I think that was what was surprising to me because I had to re like I assumed that there would be this natural paternal instinct that like just washed over me and would, you know, oh, this will take care of everything, and I did not feel that initially, and I think that was surprising.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

I mean, I think that's the same for me, and and I'm the one that grew her, and I've met her, and I was like, they laid her on my chest, and everyone talks about that golden hour and the like skin to skin moment that you have like together for the first hour of her life on earth, and I just had such like like expectations of that being like a really like I'm like in tears and really emotional, and I don't even think I cried, like I was just kind of shook.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

No, you didn't cry and she bit your nipple.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

She yeah, I did not cry, she was very slimy, gross. They laid her on my chest, and she honestly like like newborns are not easy to hold. No, like she's easier to hold now, like she's so chunky and snuggly now. But she was five pounds, six ounces, and they lay that little thing on my chest, and I was like, How do I hold her? That was like my first thought. I'm like, she doesn't fit right here. And and then she came out like a little piranha chomping, like and the nurses were like, Wow, she knows exactly what to do. And I'm like, does she? And they're like, let me just pop her on there, and they just like popped her on. And I was like, Oh, okay, yeah, let me. I mean, I wanted to breastfeed. And I was like, let's that's so awesome. Like, she's already so advanced, two minutes into her life, and so I'm like attempting to breastfeed within like seconds. She is like biting my nipple so hard. And I didn't say anything because I was like, maybe this is normal. And then eventually You were bleeding, right? Well, eventually it's not tolerable. So I pull her off and then I look at my nipple and I'm like, I think I'm bleeding.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

And they're like, Oh my gosh, you're bleeding.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

They're like, ooh. So just like that series of events happened very quickly after she was born. And I I mean, I think it was more so just shock. Like, I was just in shock that it all happened so fast, and it's incredible that like she's in she was in my belly and now she's in the world, and I don't really think I was prepared for how to process that at all.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Um and I guess to expand on expand because I was gonna say expound, but then I was like, don't say expound. But it was we were we had pot committed. Um I guess really what I the other like kind of most surprising thing is uh, you know, this is a common theme for me in my life. I felt like I had a good grasp on what it would be like, and it was just totally different than that.

SPEAKER_02 31:29

I don't even think I could say it was different because I I thought I just like had total faith in us, and I don't think I'm not saying that I'm like, oh we failed.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

I just I don't think we have.

SPEAKER_02 31:40

I don't think we have at all. I just think that the time frame in which I expected it to click was a lot longer than what I expected.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

I I agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

Because I really do think that things are clicking, and I think it's it's not like this like natural instinct that like um flows over you right away. It's more of like this process of checkpoints. Like you have to work towards each checkpoint, and then eventually you reach that checkpoint, and it's like, oh, like that makes sense now.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

Yeah, and I I I think you're right. I think you and I both thought we would leave the hospital feeling pretty confident that like, oh yeah, we know what to do. And holy cow.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

No, we don't.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

No, no.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

It's been a wild ride for sure. But um, but yeah, and I think because of like our faith component too, like I just wanted it to be like this very religious, it's spiritual experience, and like my prayer beforehand was like, God, and this is like a friend actually had said like this was her prayer, and I took that to heart and I was like, that's really beautiful. It was God, may the veil of heaven and earth be thin when she arrives. And what I envisioned that looking like was so different than what it actually looked like, but I do believe that prayer was answered. Like I do feel like the veil between heaven and earth was still.

SPEAKER_00 33:01

What was different?

SPEAKER_02 33:03

Um, I don't know. I guess it was more emotionally like how I expected to feel when she arrived. Like I expected to feel like my heart melting and like this beautiful transformation. And I do think that my heart has melted. I do feel beautifully transformed, but it was it was harder. It was I don't know why I want to say dirtier. It wasn't dirtier, it was it was more it was a much more human experience, maybe. Yeah, it was just more raw and it was more real, and it was still beautiful, and I think that that's what surprised me the most is that it was it was beautiful. The veil was thin. Um there was a very spiritual unraveling, but it was it was a heavy cross to bear before you could see the beauty of it.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

I agree. So yeah. Um favorite thing. Yeah, favorite thing. Do you want me to go first? Um I have a favorite thing. I mean there's a million things.

SPEAKER_02 34:03

It's a very lighthearted favorite thing. I just love her giggle.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

Yeah, her giggle is awesome.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

That's just funny. If I could like bottle that up and like listen to it forever.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

I love uh I don't I'm sure she does this for you too. Um, but when I wake her up from a nap, and if it's if she's in like a good mood when she wakes up, and she just like when you pick her up out of the crib, she just opens her mouth like wide open. She doesn't really make any noise, but she like smile you can tell it's a smile.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

But she's like like that's the noise I picture whenever she smiles like that.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

It's like Yeah, and it's just like but she's just like her mouth goes wide open and she like just I don't know, kind of goes squinty eyes, and it's just so cute, and I love that she that she has that.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

Oh, this is a I wonder if we have the same thought.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

The this surprising thing that I did not share, but it's not as deep as what I shared earlier, is what she looks like.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

Yeah, I was gonna I was gonna say she also I mean this could change because she's only five months, she still has blue eyes, dark blue eyes when she was born ginger hair. I mean like And she still has kind of ginger hair.

SPEAKER_02 35:09

It's like light brownish now, but it was fairly ginger-looking in front of the. And definitely red undertones. Like I'm gonna walk around with her and people are gonna be like, Oh, are you the nanny?

SPEAKER_00 35:20

Yeah. Let's just say she might be the least Filipino-looking baby.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

But there are everyone says, no, I don't know how I feel about this, that she looks like me when she's crying.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes, everybody.

SPEAKER_02 35:35

She's an emotional girly. But yeah, that was a funny, surprising thing that I feel like we need to point out.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

Yeah, she does look just different than I think we thought she was.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

I don't really know what I I just honestly expected her to look exactly like me because I know I have the more dominant features.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 35:51

But I think our features are competing. I think the divine features are a lot more dominant than I realized.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

I think our family might just like look different. Like I feel like if we have another kid, that kid might just be different. Way Filipino.

SPEAKER_02 36:03

We're just gonna have a Oh, do you adopt one?

SPEAKER_00 36:06

No?

SPEAKER_02 36:06

That one, yeah. If that happens, poor guy or poor girl is gonna be like, no.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

That'll be fine. We'll survive. I told you the divine genes are strong.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

Yeah, they are. Um Alright, should we like slew through? Slew through.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

Uh yeah, kind of run through these last little little bits.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

Yeah, we wanted to just quickly touch on like some expectations and reality of what the past five months have been. Um and Joe's.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

And this will be sorry, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

No, you go on.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

I was gonna say this is this is our experience with the the kind of newborn phase. There's gonna be a lot of people who have had different experiences than us, but I do feel like there's the experience we had is very common, and what we're gonna talk about is very common that people have, but I would say it's not necessarily talked about a lot. Would you agree with?

SPEAKER_02 36:58

I mean, you're way more on the social expectations versus the reality.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Well, just like how we actually felt in those first couple months, I feel like. Like, I don't or do you think it's a lot of people?

SPEAKER_02 37:10

I do feel like people talk about it. Um, but I I feel like when people do talk about it, they have very well thought out how they share it. And I'm gonna be totally honest, I haven't like thought it out very well.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

Oh, cool. Well, let's figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 37:24

And well, no, but I think that that's like the hard part is like I don't want to share anything that I haven't fully thought through, but I also think there's comfort in like hearing somebody share something that they're still actively working through. Which I feel like we've kind of all always been all about that.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

100%. All right, shoot. Oh gosh, so it's expectation. So the the idea is Katie and I had this expectation, and we've kind of already touched on it, that it was going to be just this truly magical thing. And on top of that, like we've had knock on wood, like little to no complications with MJ. As far as like she eats well, she gained weight well, she didn't have jaundice, she's a very happy, healthy baby.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

That's the one thing. No jaundice. Yeah, that the reason we're pointing that out is because my dad was like, she's gonna have jaundice because she's Asian.

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Yeah, and then our doctor was like, that's not how that works. Uh but like she's I mean, really truly right, could not be more um like we we've we're in a good spot, but we still had this other reality of the experience that's like.

SPEAKER_02 38:37

I think it was just like the mental load and the emotional load for me was not at all what I expected it to be.

SPEAKER_00 38:45

Yeah, so you you go. You have the bigger thoughts here.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

I don't really have big thoughts. I have thoughts they're not fully thought through, but we'll start with I thought I was gonna run a marathon in February or half marathon.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

That is true, I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

Remember, I wanted to run a half marathon, the Disney half in February. Yeah, and I was like, I am always going to prioritize like my body and like my health, and that's never gonna be neglected. So I was like, I'm gonna sign up for this Disney half, and that will be my goal postpartum. Like, I'll have time to train. We did not go to Disney, and lucky for me, we were not able to, it's like so hard to even get tickets to to these races, and so the fact that I did not get a ticket honestly saved me because they're not refundable. But yeah, I surprised did not have time to train for a half marathon. But yeah, so that kind of gives you an idea of what my expectations postpartum was gonna be. That's pretty much like it. That was my expectation. Everything else kind of went downhill from there.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 39:53

But um aside from that, I really felt like we were a good team. I was like, oh, me and Joe work so well together. We like have conquered so much, we can conquer this. Um, we're gonna create like a beautiful family, and I had no doubt in that, and I don't have any doubt in that either. But the process of getting there is I don't think what I fully understood what that process was gonna be like. And the fact that we have such good families to look up to, I was like, oh, like we are we're set, like we have what we need. You we've we've got 13 nieces and nephews on your side of the family or 12.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

Yeah, she's 13.

SPEAKER_02 40:34

Um, it was like we have plenty of experience with little kids. Um lots of friends who have babies, lots of friends who have babies, lots of people to like pass down knowledge and pass down experience to us. And so I really felt like super supported in that way. But I actually think that was my biggest um downfall was the fact that we had so much, and I'm just like just now thinking this, yeah. But the fact that we had so many people to look up to made me a little bit confused on like how I wanted to parent.

SPEAKER_00 41:08

Yeah, uh we saw so many different versions of successful parenting.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Yeah. Yeah, I think that that really did confuse me because I didn't really have a clear direction on how I wanted how I wanted us to be parents because we had such good role models who do things very differently, and that is what we're realizing is there's no one way.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

And I think that there were like, at least for me personally, like I had this expectation that it would everybody talks about how joyful being a parent is, and it is like I love that she's sleeping right now, and I keep looking at like we have her up on like a little monitor just in case we're recording way past MJ's bedtime at it's what 7 40 or whatever. Um but like I love being able to look look at her and like just see her sleeping, like it's just so cute, or like bringing her to mass, like bringing her up to communion at mass is like I don't know, just fills me with so much joy. It's so much work being a parent, and we only have one kid. I can only imagine, like you know, I have siblings who have five, I can literally only imagine, but like it's it and I use the word work because it is work, like it's not it's not a vacation, it's not some lovely, oh, this is just so much fun. It is work, yeah. And I think that is something that took me a while because I I viewed it negatively internally for me for a little while, where it's like, why does this feel like such a chore? But ultimately, like it was a lot of work to love you too. I mean, that's and that's not because you're some, you know, you're a lot of work, yeah. But it's just that's it.

SPEAKER_02 42:47

It's more it's it's a lot of work to love you well.

SPEAKER_00 42:51

Uh yes, correct. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 42:53

And we want to love her well. And I think I have really high expectations for how we do that, but not giving us really the grace to learn how to do that. And in order to learn, you have to kind of do what you don't think you you kind of have to do things that eventually you're like, I shouldn't have done that.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

And I think that's what made it challenging for us because I think we didn't give ourselves that grace earlier.

SPEAKER_02 43:16

Yeah, and if we ever had a moment where we were like, Oh, we shouldn't have done that, it was like, oh shoot, why did we do that?

SPEAKER_00 43:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:22

Like, why we've ruined her.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

She's ruined and she's not.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

And like that's that's been hard because I don't think we've ever been in a season of life where we've had to learn that way. Like learning didn't have such high stakes. Because right now it feels feels like so much is at stake. Like loving her well feels like there's so much at least.

SPEAKER_00 43:45

I mean, that first bath that first bathtub.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

Oh yeah, that's a funny story.

SPEAKER_00 43:49

We'll tell it later. But yes.

SPEAKER_02 43:51

Just like little things felt huge, and they still do, to be honest. Like it feels like a new job. It feels like Everything is totally new. You don't know how to do anything. So everything you're doing is the most important thing until you're a couple weeks into that new job and you start to realize like, oh, okay, this one thing, not as big of a deal as I thought. We can be a little bit more chill on that. But in the beginning, it's like everything's the most important. So you don't know how to not stress about everything.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:23

Um, and that's another thing. My expectation going into parenthood or being a mom was I was gonna be a lot more like chill and relaxed. Like I wanted to, I want so badly to be the one that's like, oh, it's fine. We don't need to she can sleep on the go.

SPEAKER_00 44:41

She can sleep whenever, wherever. It's fine.

SPEAKER_02 44:43

It's fine. She'll be fine. Oh, she didn't nap. It's okay. It's fine. She's she'll bounce back. It'll be okay. I wanted so badly. Yeah, I wanted so badly to be the one that was like, I wanted to be able to raise a baby that was like okay with like flexible, a flexible lifestyle. And I think I think we still can. I really think that the structure is.

SPEAKER_00 45:05

And we're trying hard, we're working on it.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

Yeah, I mean we have to. Like our families require like flexibility. If we want to be present with like our families and go on vacations, like I don't want to be stuck to this rigid schedule. But in a way, my coping mechanism was having some kind of structure to the day. Um in order for me to learn how to do this. Like that is how I consolidated things in my brain. So I expected to be more chill and relaxed and go with the flow. I did not, I was not at all like that the first couple of months. No, not at all. Um we talked about how I didn't feel like we had a natural bond, but I do feel like we've we've worked hard to love her well, and that bond is growing, and that bond is definitely there.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

And we work to get to know her.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

Yes. I think that's a you know I do think that that's something that we've done really well at. Like from the beginning, I wasn't like, okay, I want you to be just like me. I want you to be, I want you to live my life. Like I felt like a lot of You're talking about MJ. Yeah, Mary Jo. I felt like a lot of like the um trial and error was I was we were trying really hard to figure her out and allow her to show us like who she was and who she is. And so that's hard because in a way, like you're getting to know somebody for the first time.

SPEAKER_00 46:22

Yeah, and it's hard because she's just at the you know, at the time she's six weeks old, she can't do a whole lot to communicate.

SPEAKER_02 46:28

Yeah, she's just crying.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

Yeah, it's not like she's like articulating her thoughts out real well either. Right.

SPEAKER_02 46:34

So it's like a puzzle, it truly felt like a puzzle. And if you know me, not good at puzzles.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

I I thought you were gonna say, if you know me, I love puzzles, I was gonna be like, news to me.

SPEAKER_02 46:45

I'm aware of my weaknesses. And so it was just it was a hard puzzle to figure out, and it is still something that we're piecing together, but like now we get to see a little bit of her personality, and that's been a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

Yeah, it's been just like when she really started becoming more alert and expressive, like, oh man, so cool. And like I'm like watching Prices Right with her, I know it's so silly. I love it. She loves Prices Right, she knows I feel like she knows the music now. You she because she knows like ooh, I'm about to eat when I see Prices Right is on. This is awesome.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

I I do also feel like when we started working a little bit more together as because we had a lot of support in the beginning, which was awesome. I don't think we would have really survived without it. But what that meant was we were not really doing a lot of like thank you together.

SPEAKER_00 47:39

You're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_02 47:40

We weren't we weren't really hiding.

SPEAKER_00 47:41

We weren't problem solving.

SPEAKER_02 47:42

We weren't problem we had no need to because we had so many other people around us to help either hold her for us so that we could sleep or feed her for us so that we could sleep or can't.

SPEAKER_00 47:53

And there were a couple nights where like you and I got like eight and a half hours.

SPEAKER_02 47:57

Because somebody else was holding her. It was awesome. So we really didn't have to like think through that. And then when we started getting back into a regular rhythm and it was like dependent on the two of us to figure it out, I feel like I really had a hard time trusting you with her.

SPEAKER_01 48:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:12

Um like I remember that first day that we were practicing you being alone with her for the day, and then I just kind of went on a bunch of errands that day. I don't felt like that day went really well, and I felt like I like just felt like I can't ever leave her again. Well, I think was how I felt at the end of that day.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

Yes, but I think a part of that was like the you saw the neg not the negative. That's wrong.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

No, I did though.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

But like I think that it's easy to point out, like, oh, she's cried a lot today. Well it's she's a six-month-old or six-week-old baby. Like, she cries a lot all throughout the day. Yeah. You know, the more important thing is like, okay, maybe she's cried a couple more times, but like she's just learning to take a bottle, so that's gonna be stressful to her. So like, did she eat when she was supposed to, and did she na like the the negatives outweighed the like hey, we actually got the the task done.

SPEAKER_02 49:09

Yeah, I it definitely did feel really heavy, and it didn't help that when I called you she would be crying.

SPEAKER_00 49:15

But you'd always call me like right when it was time to give her a bottle.

SPEAKER_02 49:18

Yeah, so I mean like it's just unfortunate, but I felt the whole day, I was like, I shouldn't have left her, I shouldn't have left her. I like how am I ever gonna leave her? And I just remember feeling at the end of the day so discouraged at like because we were trying to practice for me going back to work, and I just didn't feel like good about it at all. And then I honestly feel like it was when I was forced to go back to work and I had like no choice but to just kind of trust you with her that you like proved me wrong and just like it's like.

SPEAKER_00 49:47

And I watch her solo oftentimes more than I do. More than you do. But I would say like that's the I think if there's another thing that I've learned and and we can kind of wrap up some of our overarching thoughts here, but like if I've learned anything, I will say like I do think that when we've pushed ourselves, we've learned. Whether it's been a success or a failure, like we've had plenty of days where like we've tried to do too much or we've tried to to do, you know, go too far, and it has been a bad day, but I feel like even those bad days we've learned. We've learned and we've figured out okay, we can do this even if it's a bad day, you know?

SPEAKER_02 50:29

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 50:30

And it's incredible like how much I think pushing ourselves is is important here.

SPEAKER_02 50:34

Yes, and and we have I felt like lately at first I was horrified of leaving the house, to be totally honest, because she felt so like unpredictable. And if you relate to this, her cries absolutely make me break out into sweats. Like I like feel like I feel like I like my body is shutting down when she cries. So that was like 90% of the problem all the time. So we would never go out, but I do feel like we've done a better job, like just like the three of us, like practicing going out, doing errands together, and like probab like troubleshooting when she's crying, like what we need to do, and like that has given me so much more confidence in like our ability to problem solve together, and like the independence has helped me feel more capable. And I don't know, and and in a way too, I feel like we've grown like so much like in our marriage. Like, I do I don't feel like there's we've ever done anything, like even when I went through surgery for endometriosis, like there has never been anything we've done together that has like brought us this close together, and it's just incredible like how God designed all of it, you know.

SPEAKER_00 51:42

That's actually I meant to I thought you're gonna this is gonna sound like um I'm coping, not a cope.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

I'm coping.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

Uh you're like, oh yeah, of course you just thought this now. I this is actually was gonna be one of my things that um my favorite things is like how much I've fallen in love with you again. Not again. Like yeah, even more so throughout this process. Like the like I have so much respect for you in how you've handled this, and like watching you become a mom also is probably one of my favorite things.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

Yeah, and I think the thing that we keep touching on is like it didn't feel natural, it didn't feel natural. But if you were to ask me how Joe's done, I would say he like fatherhood came so natural to him.

SPEAKER_00 52:24

And I think it came natural to you too.

SPEAKER_02 52:26

Well, that's what I'm saying. I think if you were to ask either one of us, we would say, Oh my gosh, the other one has it, like they know what they're doing. I guess that's true. Because you're asking us, and it's such a touchy subject, I like my quick to say, like, I don't know what I'm doing. And and that's something I also wanted to mention too, is just like this feeling of imposter syndrome. Like, because we had so many good friends and family to like look up to, I didn't feel like anything I had to say or what I wanted to do for Mary Jo was valid because I was so new. I don't know if you're relate to that at all, but like No, 100%. I didn't feel like and I honestly I was nervous about recording this podcast because I in my head I was like, what could I have to offer like to anybody listening? Like this is all so new to me. I don't know what I'm doing. So what could I have to share? I have no advice, I have no like I have really nothing to offer except for camaraderie. This camaraderie, this processing, this brain dump. I don't know. But if anything, hopefully it makes you feel like not alone.

SPEAKER_00 53:33

It might make you feel better.

SPEAKER_02 53:34

And you know what? Thank you for being my therapeutic audience. That's right. There you go.

SPEAKER_00 53:41

Um so we don't have a marriage meeting. Well, we do, but it's not anything crazy. So we just figured uh to round out the baby theme, we would do our favorite baby products that we've got. Should we do top three or top two? Let's do two. Let's do two. Five. Three? I can't even okay.

SPEAKER_02 53:58

Let's try for three.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

Stretch goal, stretch goal three. All right. Uh uh you go first, or I'll go first. Um and these are these are gonna be our favorite ones that we like actually use a lot. So number one, I would say, is the bath thing we got. I don't know what it's called. The like the the gray one.

SPEAKER_02 54:15

Oh, the angel seat.

SPEAKER_00 54:16

Yeah, the angel seat. We use that one a lot. We had the one for the newborns, which was awesome, and that worked for her for a while, and that was perfect. But when she got a little bit bigger, the angel seat was really nice.

SPEAKER_02 54:26

It's just like a little seat. She loves Home Girl, loves her baths, which is just really con like really funny because she hated them at first, and it was a very traumatic time for us, but we'll share that story another time.

SPEAKER_00 54:37

So that's one for me.

SPEAKER_02 54:38

Bath time favorite time. Um I love her carrier mostly because I forced it on her which the the wild whatever one. Yes. Yeah, we had the baby Bjorn at first, which was great, but then she outgrew that. And I wanted so badly for her to love like the um the I don't even know what it's called.

SPEAKER_00 54:58

The like wraps.

SPEAKER_02 55:00

The wrap, yeah, yeah, yeah. She hated it, or maybe I was doing it wrong, but she loves her little carrier, and it's just so easy. Like, I love being able to walk around the house just with her sitting in there.

SPEAKER_00 55:09

Number two is the Duna.

SPEAKER_02 55:11

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:12

For me, we really like the Duna.

SPEAKER_02 55:13

I really love the Duna.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

Actually, you know, I'm gonna do I'm gonna do a combo. We like both the strollers we have. We yes, and the having the bassinet stroller was really nice, so she can just kind of vibe in it.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

She loves her bassinet, her little bassinet has been nice. It's been nice to have a bassinet like downstairs and then one upstairs. Um You're right, actually. I don't know if I can think of three.

SPEAKER_00 55:32

Yeah, it's gonna see.

SPEAKER_02 55:33

No, no, no, I gotta think of three. I love her. Hmm. I just love her.

SPEAKER_00 55:39

Yeah, yeah, I know you love her.

SPEAKER_02 55:41

I just love her so much. Uh let me think if I can think of like all of all of the double zippers.

SPEAKER_00 55:46

Oh, yeah, and it's got a double zipper.

SPEAKER_02 55:48

I mean, I love the magnetic me um onesie. It's just kind of pricey.

SPEAKER_00 55:52

So like if you want to- It's a little like it's not my favorite.

SPEAKER_02 55:56

Okay, Joe doesn't like it. I like it. It's easy, you just like you literally just unbutton it with. The zippers are easy too, but sometimes I feel like she hits the zipper, the zipper hits her face and she gets mad. Uh maybe not. But the double zippers are a must. She loves the double zippers. Um and I'm out. Joe said I only have two. I swear.

SPEAKER_00 56:20

I mean, all baby stuff is like, it's all kind of the same, man. That's true. It's like maybe we're pacifiers, like, oh, you baby likes pacifier? No way. Bottle.

SPEAKER_02 56:31

You know what I do really like? She has eczema or eczema girly. In the aquafore. She has the eczema, the Avena eczema cream. It honestly works so good. She loves it. No, I know what I like. Number one. Number one. Sorry, I'm going off. I'm making up for your lack here. Perfect. The Earth Mama brand, the diaper bomb in the um nipple cream. That's probably true. It works so good. And all the other stuff, just like the white look like the white diaper cream. Destin. Destin just like gets in her folds.

SPEAKER_01 57:03

It does.

SPEAKER_02 57:04

It just stays there for days, no matter how many baths she takes. So the diaper bomb from Earth Mamas just starts.

SPEAKER_00 57:12

And I will say, once like if she does get a rash and we start like using it a little more frequently and regularly, it goes away within a day.

SPEAKER_02 57:20

So quickly. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:22

Maybe our girl's just got amazing skin.

SPEAKER_02 57:26

No, she's gonna be like my girly.

SPEAKER_00 57:28

She might be patchy. She might be like kind of pale and pink. We don't know. I'm gonna have to teach you guys how to use sunscreen.

SPEAKER_02 57:35

No, we that is something that dawned on us the other day because we've been going out a lot lately. It's been so nice. And I was like, oh wait, do I have to put sunscreen on her? Because I'm not used to this. Alright, guys. This was fun. I hope you enjoyed a little bit of our chaos. Um life has been fun around here, and we are really, really hoping to keep on keep on cruising with the podcast because it's fun.

SPEAKER_00 57:59

Yeah. Maybe MJ will be a guest in 16 years.

SPEAKER_02 58:04

I'm holding that to I'm holding you to that.

SPEAKER_00 58:07

All right, load it up.

SPEAKER_02 58:09

Bye guys.

SPEAKER_00 58:10

Oh, let's keep growing together. Bye y'all.